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Introduction by The Black Knight

Alright, this one needs a bit of explanation.

Back in 2005, when I first was writing Microsoft Freelancer Fan Fiction (Say that five times fast) one of the other members of the server, a young lad who went by the name "Death-in-a-box" or DIAB for short, came up with a pretty novel idea.

His idea was to do write a comedy story, loosley related to our in-game characters and the Microsoft Freelancer Universe. He selected a few people who he wanted to write for it. And the idea was we would have to take turns. Each person would follow where the last person left off. It was a great idea for an exercise.

He titled the thread "WTF is Humor" for reasons which were never adequately explored. But later in the piece it began to be referred to as "SPACE CADETS."

How well did we pull it off? Some of it is exceptionally silly--and I'm talking about my own writing here. I'm pretty sure I'm the one that came up with the idea of weaponizing the septic system....

I have to admit I still enjoy reading these bits. Largely we were poking fun at each other, and ourselves. I've got to say that some of the concepts from this story actualy have made it into the book I'm working on. The Tank is the most obvious example. This is the first place I came up with the idea that he cobbled up a Tank, and some details of the Tank rampage I kept as well.

Another important point came up when we started playing as the Sentinels on the 24/7 Freelancer Univerese Server. After Bazza stopped playing, we needed to rename his Gunboat. It had a reputation of causing a great deal of mayhem, some of which was outside the rules of the server, so we needed a fresh start.

Bazza eventually contributed only wrote a few lines for the story, but he was featured prominently, usually presented as being wasted out of his mind, surviving the unsurvivable. For that reason, it was no great stretch to rename his old ship after the ship in the story.

I'm honestly not sure I got all of this story. These are the bits I've been able to find and put together. If I find anything else, I'll be sure to add it in.

But here is what I have, including DIAB's intro. (You'll notice that some of the old Forum formating, with post counts, etc, still remains. This was kept for nostalgia.) If anyone has a more complete set of this story (or any of the GOI Neural Nets) please send them along using the contact form!

- The Black Knight, July 2010




Ok, this is going to be the humor story, not the other junky one that was so random it was pathetic.

Same people can add to it, plus one more,






I think there was someone else, but too lazy to check the other thread.

Now instead of just making a rotation form for everyone to post, I'm just going to make it so that you can post whenever you want, you just have to wait 24 hours between posts, to give other people a chance to post.

Also, same rules as last time, no flaming, all humor, yada yada yada...

Since I'm starting the story, I'll kind of define all your characters just a tad...

Anyways, here goes!


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter One - Signs of Probable Doom.Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 6:48 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. Our story begins out in the far future, so far into the future, that the form used to identify the years has changed so much, that it would take too long to explain, so let it just be known that it is the year 805 A.S.

We start out with our unlikely band of heroes, Death in a Box (or DiaB), Kinora, Caos, Black Knight, Saracen, and Epyon. Now, this is one large band you might say, but, sorry to say, it needs to be big, for they will likely fail by themselves without having each other to keep them all insane.

They are the crew of the Athena 2 (Don't ask what happened to the first one, it involves a rather embarresing planet dive). Having nothing better to do with their pitifully un-socially accepted lives, they have banded together to do some deep space exploration. They have no idea what they are searching for, but maybe in this entire journey, they will come to better understand who they are, well, that is, on top of getting filthy rich of course.

DiaB is the typical captain, arragont enough to have his crew to respect him, but also enough to have them get great joy in thwarting him. DiaB thinks he knows what he is doing (Most of the time), and the crew seems to accept his opinion, have no ideas of their own.

Kinora is the average engineer and inventor, eccentric, talks in mumbo-jumbo, and is completely misunderstood anytime he talks about anything even related to fixing the ship. Needless to say, in the first minutes of their journey, they only lost the afterburner and a few metal casings on the right wing, which he felt was outstanding.

The Black Knight, or Knight for shortening terms, is their fire power. He is the armed forces on the Athen 2, and takes a sickening delight in it too, for some strange reason. He insists on wearing a rediculous looking armor, even when sleeping, and makes a terrible clanking noise whenver he walks around. After putting a hole a side of the ship from his guns after the first person laughed, everyone got the point and shut up.

Saracen is the language man of the crew. He understands fifty-two languages, three of which are his own, and two of which he uses to speak to animals, strangely enough. Whenver the crew needs supplies or needs to negotiate with anyone, he is the man to get it done. His record is only spotted by one incident, he says, where he was trying to negotiate with some M'ar^mian humans on T'o'U, and accidently told the leader that he wanted to 'Sleep with his beautiful son', instead of 'My you have a pretty daughter'. Nevertheless, he feels it was only a minor thing.

Epyon is the tactics and navigator. He was kicked out of the army for going AWOL during a mission when the commanding officer refused to follow his stragety, and left to go sip tea with his mum back home, and was repeatedly denied a job with any navigator, if only for his repeated attempts to take the shortest route to any destination, which usually ended up being the shortest route to the Afterlife.

Caos is, strangely enough, the owner of the ship. He was a wealthy merchant, freighting various cargo from planet to planet, until he irritated and rammed his freighter into the local battlecruiser, for "Hogging the view of the sun," he claimed. He knows the in's, the out's, and even the in-between's and out-beween's of the ship. Refusing to eat any grub that anyone else cooks, he is also the full time cook of the ship.


"OMFG!! We are getting too close to the sun! Turn! Turn!", says DiaB, looking up from the game console upon which he and Saracen are intensely batteling it out.

"Oh-mm-ff-geeh. Oh-mm-ff-geeh. DiaB, what does oh-mm-ff-geeh mean?" says Saracen.

Diab replies through half closed lids, "What do you think moron, Oh my God, with a big friggin' curse in there."

"Oooh. So Oh My *Beep*ing God."

"Why'd you do that?"

"Do what."

"Beep out the swear word? I mean, we're all grown men here, we can take it. Well, besides Epyon, he's a grown boy, but don't tell him I said that."

"I did say it. I said Oh My *Beep* *Beep*."

"Would you stop that?! Its *Beep* annoying!"

"Now you stop it you *Beep* *Beep*!"

"Oh *Beep* you *Beep*!"

"Will one of you check the freaking microwave already! Its beeped almost a gajillion times already!" says Caos.

"Sheesh! Your the cook aren't you! You get it!" mumbles DiaB.

Caos advances with a knife, very slowly, until DiaB quickly opens the microwave and takes out the TV-dinner Knight was preparing.

"What the hell you doing to my TV-dinner!?" Knight says from around corner.

"Um, nothing Knight. I mean, its all ready for you." says DiaB.

Suddenly, red lights flash, and an alarm sounds.

"Um...DiaB. You better get up here, like, right now." comes Epyon's urgent voice over the com. "I think I did it again."

"Om my god, when is he ever going to learn..." Diab mutters before heading for the bridge.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.

Last edited by Death in a Box on Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.


Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter Two - Being steered by a class A license is bad.Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:09 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. As DiaB walks onto the bridge of the ships, he immediately notices that too things are wrong. One, the front of the ship is on fire and they are most defintely within the corona of a sun now, and Two, the ship is being driven by Kinora.

"Um...where's Epyon?" says DiaB.

"Oh I dunno, he called you and ran out to somewhere and left me to drive. But look! I'm actually driving a ship! This is so cool!" replies Kinora.

"Um...do you even have a class F license which is required to drive this thing?" asks DiaB.

"No I have a class A license. But I don't need a class F license! I mean, all I gotta do is turn this stick here to fly and push a few buttons and we're all good!" says the extremely overjoyed Kinora.

"Um...a class A license doesn't even allow you to operate a bicycle, let alone an automobile, let alone a freaking ship that's about to FLY INTO A FREAKING SUN!" screams DiaB.

"Well excuuuse me! I didn't see you around to fly the thing!"

"Maybe I wouldn't have to if you had fixed the auto-pilot like you were supposed to!"

"I couldn't, I told you that. I was busy on the afterburner at the time."

"Which you failed to fix anyways because it broke off after barely ten minutes had passed after leaving the planet!!"

"Oh yeah...that's right. Bah, what do you know." says Kinora, trying not to grin.

DiaB slowly walks to the pilots chair, seething in anger, and gives Kinora the 'ol boot out of the bridge.

"Go fix something! Better yet, don't! The last thing I need is more pieces of this ship being 'fixed' only to fall off!" he yells after Kinora, "And tell Epyon to get his arse in here, I've got a few things to say to him too..."

"Whatever you say mister Class F license holder!" replies Kinora, who sprints away immediately after saying this.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: A unique solutionPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 11:12 am

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA <i>When last we left our heroes, they were hopelessly trapped in the corona of a star, which they dove into for no adequately explored reason.</i>

As the Black Knight ran up the hall, the ship suddenly lurched to the left. He bounced off the wall, his suit leaving several inches of scratch marks in the paint. They almost matched the ones on the opposite wall from last week.

"So, we're flying into Mr. Sun again are we?" the Knight said as he took his seat at the tactical station. He released another flood of nanobots out to fix the failing hull. "And when we designed this heap you said insisting on 500 special order ceramic coated nanobots was overkill. I figured we'd be flare surfing soon enough."

"I don't have time for this Knight!" DIAB shot back. "I think we're too far into the corona to get out! Where's Epyon when I need him?" "He's in the bathroom, in a bad way. Last night's chili con carne is not agreeing well with him. I offered him a TV Dinner but Noooo..."

"I'm here," came a washed out voice, as Epyon stumbled to the nav console. Epyon's hands danced across the nav console, looking for a way out.

"We've got to cool this hull down--even the 'bots won't be able to fix it if it's molten!" DIAB yelled. The Knight leaped up and ran to the maintenance console, pulling a lever. He'd always thought it was a design mistake that the septic system emptied at the nose of the ship, but now he saw the wisdom of the design. 10,000 gallons of liquefied and semi-liquefied waste poured over the hull, bringing down the temperature--for a short while. "Looks like Caos has saved us this time." The Knight quipped.

"Good work Knight, but even in full cruise, we're not going to make it out in time. Any ideas Epy." DIAB prayed for another miracle from his navigator. "There! I'm picking up a gravitational anomaly 1k to our port side...A jump hole!!...oh no NOT AGAIN!" "Where does it go?" DIAB asked, as Epyon ran to the bathroom. "WHO CARES?!?!?" the Knight yelled. "It can't be worse than burning up in a SUN!!!"

DIAB wheeled the Athena 2 into a hard left turn, and shot straight into the jump hole, leaving the Sun, a good portion of their armor plating, and the remains of many meals and drinks far behind.

<i>Where will the jump hole take our heroes? To a dark and mysterious wasteland? To a hot and dangerous jungle planet? To the nomad home world? Or, is the nomad home world a hot and dangerous jungle planet in a dark and mysterious wasteland?

To find out (perhaps), tune in for the next episode of "SPACE CADETS!"</i>


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Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter Four - Wtf are we? Oh yeah, just here...Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:24 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. As the heroes and their blackened ship exit from the jump hole, they immdediately notice something is very wrong.

They have entered...



"Mommy! I'm scared!" says Knight.

"Oh shut up you wuss, its just Deep Space. But then again, I can see where you're coming from. Its so open, and dark, and open, and dark, and ..." says DiaB.

"Its just so huge and empty, and black, and ..." murmurs Kinora.

They continue to stare off into space.

*Five hours later*

"Dinner's ready!" yells Caos, walking into the room.

"What are you guys looking at, I called you al- ... oh. Deep space. Cool, its so dark, and quiet, and peaceful and ..." Caos says, droning off.

*Two hours later*

BLAM!! The shutters on the front window slam shut. Epyon is standing in the doorway, his hand on the switch.

"How many times have I told you guys not to stare into the Deep Space!" Epyon groans. "Now look at the time. We've wasted six -"

"Seven" DiaB interjects.

"Fine, seven hours. And noe we've got to-...Hey wait a minute. How'd you know how much time went by if you were being hypnotized by Deep Space?" Epyon asks.

"Who said we were hypnotized? We were just looking out the window." DiaB replies.

Epyon smacks his forhead and takes a seat in his navigational chair.

"Anybody know where we are?" Epyon asks.

"Um...well, judging from that constellation and that group of stars over there combined with the color of that galaxy and the effects created...by...that..." Kinora slowly drifted off after seeing the look from Epyon.

"In English man!" Epyon yells.

"Well, I guess that would all add up to...Deep Space." Kinora grins and then stops after seeing the look echoed across the rest of the crew.

"Fine! Fine! Just turn the ship around, sheesh!" He finally gives in.

As the ship turns around, they come face to face with a rather nice looking planet, and strangely enough, a drom that has come to check them out.

"Identify yourself!" DiaB says over the radio.

"Uuuuuhhhhh this is mishter drom mumber fort teeeee." The drunken man replies.

"Fort teee what?" DiaB asks.

"Forty boshttles of cardameenee ..." The man drones off.

"What's cardamine?" DiaB again asks.

The man has apparently snapped out of his reverie and replies, "Why its only the best drug ever made!"

"Hey wait a second, weren't you just drunk a second ago?" Caos has joined in the scene now, along with Kinora and Saracen.

"Hey I'm the premiere negotiater here! I'll do the talking!" Saracen interjects.

"Like hell you will! I'm the captain of this ship and I'll do the talking!" DiaB replies, now irritated.

"What did you hire me for?" Saracan asks.

"To translate languages that aren't English for us to understand."

"And how do you know this guy is speaking English?"

"What kind of question is that? I can understand him, so its English?"

"Actually, we don't have any idea what territory this is so he could be speaking a very different language that only resembles English."

"What...I mean...how...oh forget it. You win. Have fun talking to mister...what did you say your name was again?" DiaB finally leaves.

"Oh my name's Bazza. You intersted in some cardamine? I got a whole stock load of it and unfortunetly to say, some of it got lose in my hold and I'm now happily breathing it in! Thus right now, I'm highly suceptible to any kind of outside influence!" Bazza admits to them.

"Um...o...k...Go ram that planet there, its a giant cardamine pill." Caos says and grins.

Saracen shoulders Caos out of the way of the microphone, but its too late, the man is already cruising toward the planet.

"No wait! Come back! You're oging to kill yourself!" Saracen pleads.

"Cush I'm a golleee goood fellooooow!!" Bazza is apperently singing, oblivious to the impending doom.

The radio goes static, and a little explosion is all that marks the spot where Bazza's ship burned up upon entering the planet's atmosphere.

"Thanks a lot idiot! You just lost our only contact in potentially hostile territory!" Saracen is seething.

"Look at the guy, he was drunk off of a drug, he deserved it." Caos is laughing hilariously.

DiaB re-enters the bridge.

"Did I miss something?" He asks.

"Not a thing captain sir." Saracen says though tight lips.

"Where'd the drunken dude go? DiaB asks.

"Oh he had some...um...uh...business to take care of. Yeah that's it." Saracen stutters.

"I told him to ram the planet and he listened to me. He's now a smear across the planet's skies." Caos says smugly.

"Awesome! I wonder if we can see it from this distance. C'mon, let's get closer and see if we can see anything. Maybe we can tractor in an afterburner to replace the one we lost." DiaB laughs along with Caos.

Saracen gives them both looks of horror and backs out of the bridge.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter Five - Lucky Break.Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:34 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT**

I realize it hasn't been twenty-four hours, but since no one but me and TBK seem to be doing this so far, I'm posting again since I feel the urge and have ten minutes to kill.


We left our heroes and then Athena 2 looking over the planet, hoping to catch a glimpse of the so called 'smear across the planet' left by the drunken freighter known as 'Bazza.'

"Well?! Are we going to dock today?" Epyon asks after his third visit to the bathroom.

"Well?! Are we moving into the bathroom?" Kinora asks.

'Don't fight children, we got work to do." DiaB scolds.

"Yes 'Daddy.'", Epyon sneers.

"Meh, just land the freaking ship on the planet and let's see what odds and ends we can pick up, and give Kinora time to fix the ship." DiaB says, putting no emphasis on the word 'fix' while staring at Kinora whatsoever.

As they land the ship, the can immediately see something is wrong with the city as they flew in. It seemed to be in a massive party, with mobs flowing down streets, cars crashing, and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

"Woo hoo! Now this is what I call a vacation planet!" Caos yells.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is just a little strange?" Saracen asks.

"Yup." Knight quips.

As a strong wind blows toward our heroes from the city, DiaB tentatively sniffs the air.

"What is that SMELL?" He asks aloud.

"I dunno, but something tells me it isn't right. I dunno about you guys, but I'm staying on the ship where its airtight and I don't have to worry about breathing anything but oxygen." Caos says.

"And that God-awful smell coming from the bathroom too." Kinora laughs.

Epyon glares and advances on Kinora.

"Yipe!" Kinora yelps out, and runs into the ship.

"I think I'll join you all, however reluctantly." DiaB walks into the ship after Epyon, leaving Saracen all by himself.

*Two hours later*

"Have thsoe scans of the air come back yet Kinora?" DiaB asks.

"I'm working on it!" Kinora yells back.

"Don't even tell me you're 'working' on it just like you 'worked' on our afterburner."

"Heh heh...now why would...I...do that?"

"Kinora you may be a brilliant technician and a genius mathmetician, but you suck at inventing stuff without trial runs."

"Hey! Who asked you? I don't see you fixing the ship!"

"The ship that nearly burnt up because of you!" DiaB is now screaming.

"Meh, whatevah homie." Kinora sniggers.

DiaB grabs the papers with the air analysis on the out of Kinora's hand and gives him the evil eye.

"Holy mother of all that is holy with a pill of cardamine on top! The air is fifty percent cardamine!" DiaB yells in an outrage.

"Well I guess that would explain the party. Dinners ready in half an hour." Caos says from the doorway.

"We need to crash more droms full of cardamine into planets more often!" Kinora says.

Epyon walks in, looks around, asks, "You guys seen Saracen anywhere?"

"Um, didn't he follow you right in the ship DiaB?" Kinora asks.

"Um, well...at least...I though he did." DiaB says.

"Hey there he is!" Epyon exclaims.

Saracen tumbles across the view out the windshield, waves to them, starts to stumble towards them but rams the front end of the ship and promtply falls over.

DiaB smacks his forhead.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Bazza Post subject: Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:06 pm

Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 6:07 pm

Posts: 2636

Location: Adelaide, South Australia Here's my shot but sweet contribution.

Bazza respawns from the planet he recently crashed into. Bazza is uber pissed now.

Diab You can do the rest.



Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:51 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. PSSST! I can't! This is realistic! I can make up something about you somehow surviving the crash, but move your post to the feedback thread!


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 7:13 pm

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA "Great!" DIAB shouted. "Now how are we supposed to sober him up after walking around in 50% cardamine!"

"Be cool. I have a plan," said the Black Knight, who promptly walked up to the maintenance console and pulled a lever.

"Oh no..." said DIAB. "Tell me you didn't just vent the septic system again."

A scream echoed from outside the ship.


"He's sober now!" said the Black Knight.

*Clank* "OW!" DIAB tried to slap the Knight upside the head, but forgot about the armor. Clutching his hand, and regaining his composure a touch, he yelled at the Knight, "How are we supposed to let him in NOW? He's covered in SEWAGE!"

"Sure, I find you a solution and what do I get?Complaints. You said you wanted him sober, not clean and sober."

*Clank* "OW!"


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Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter Six - Epyon's 'home.'Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 10:33 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT*

Ok, anybody in my list can post here at any time, I'm getting rid of the 24 hour rule, as its cramping my writing moods. I'm in a really good mood and I felt like writing and it got in the way, so its gone. Post whenever you need people.


"Gods Saracen! What is the God-awful smell?!" asked Caos, after Saracen had been led back into the ship by TBK.

"Why did I get picked for the task of bringing him back again?" TBK asked.

"Because you're the only one who's dressed up as a tin man with no nose." Kinora quipped.

"At least my 'tin' armor is better than that pathetic white looking apron you have on, mister o-so-brilliant engineer who nearly flew us into the sun." TBK countered.

"Are you making fun of aprons?" Caos appeared in the doorway, having apparently ran all the way to the airlock room to defend his apron.

"Um...of course...not Caos. Now just slowly put down the knife and go back to chopping something." TBK slowly said.

"You really have no idea what this apron can do can you?" Caos asked.

"Heh heh. Its an apron, what the heck else can it do besides protect you form getting spilt milk on you."

Caos calms himself, then with the familiriaty of having to do this every so often, begins his demonstration.

"Well, for one thing, its a suit of armor -

He lifts it up, showing bullet proof armor underneat.

" - contains a very large and lethal arsenal -

He shows the various pockets along the sides which have bulges resembling some rather nasty looking machine guns.

" - its heat proof, explosive proof, laser proof, spilt milk proof, and doesn't even stain when touched by beet juice. That latest edition is my favorite." Caos finishes.

"You are one freaked up chef, you know that right?" Kinora as always was the first to suggest the thing that was in everyone's minds.

"What do you have underneat YOUR o-so-special labcoat Kinora? Little teddy bear undies?" Caos sneers.

"How dare you say such a thing! Why...I never..." Kinora stomps off but not before everyone sees the end of a bath robe hanging out the back of his coat with little kitty cats on it.

DiaB points this out to everyone, who all begin laughing hilariously. Kinora whips around and glares back, but everyone has already stopped laughing and are all glancing at the ceiling and floor, feigning interest in something microscopic.

"You have kitty cats on your bath robe! BAH HA HA HAAA!" Saracen exclaims.

"You stupid drunkard, come here..." Kinora grabs him and drags him into the bathroom.

"NOOO!! Don't take me!! Help me guys! Heeeeelp!!! Heeeeelp!!" Saracen is litterly bawling.

The door closes and everyone sidles up real close to the door, in hopes of catching something to hear. Screams echo out of the bathroom, making everyone jump, then they slowly subside into pitiful moans, with little thumps and water flushing at various intervals.

Kinora opens the door, everyone jumps back and tries to lean to peer in. Saracen is sitting on the floor next to the toilet, his head completely soaked, apperently received many many swirlies.

"What are you all looking at? Anyone else got something to say about my robe?" Kinora demands.

Everyone leans and looks at Saracen again, who is still sitting on the floor looking befuddled.

DiaB whistles, puts his hands in his pockets, and calmly, but just a tad faster than normal, heads for the bridge, with the rest of the crew slowly doing the same, each heading for some various part of the ship.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: The MultiTankPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 11:08 am

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA Two Weeks later, we find our heroes aboard the Athena 2. Epyon is finally out of the bathroom, and working on determining their location. Death in a Box is sleeping in the captian's chair. Saracen is using the radio to scan for strange messages from the natives. Caos is in the pantry deciding what to make for dinner, and Knight and Kinora are installing a secondary septic system in nose to increase capacity to 20,000 gallons.

"Hey DIAB." Epyon called. "DIAB?" Death in a box was out like a light. Epyon kicked the seat hight adjustment on DIAB's seat, dropping him about 6 inches. "Wha! huh! who? what?" DIAB sputtered. "Hey DIAB, I think I know where we are." Epyon repeated. "It was tricky; once you hit an unknown jump hole, the inertial guidance gets completely lost, so you need to go by star charts. And the cardamine pollution was preventing me from getting good readings."

"You know," said DIAB, "That's way to much cardamine to come from one lousy Drom crash. Even Malta doesn't have levels this high. I wonder what's going on. At any rate, where are we?"

"Well, I switched over from visual to x-ray band, and was able to get a star pattern...though I'm not sure you'll be pleased with the result." Epyon said.

"Doesn't matter. We are where we are. So where are we?" DIAB said.

"Central Park, Manhattan, New York System." Epyon said.

DIAB looked blankly.

"So you mean, we risked an atmospheric landing with a docking ring on the other side of the planet?"


"And we've been sitting here for two weeks marooned on the most populated planet in Sirius?"


"Great." DIAB reached down, and leaned his chair back an extra 20 degrees, and rubbed his face with his hands. "We find a rare unidirectional jump hole in the corona of a star, and it sends us home. Stylish, but not terribly useful."

"Well, we didn't burn up in the sun. And we still don't know why the whole planet is doped." Epyon offered. "There's a mystery for ya."

"That's true on both counts. What are the cardi levels at now." DIAB asked. "They're up another 10%." Epyon replied. "What could be causing that?" Diab asked.

"Hey Saracen." Epyon called. "Saracen?" Saracen was listening to static at high volume on the headphones, searching for intelligent life. Epyon kicked the seat angle adjust lever on Saracen's seat. The seat flipped forward, nearly bouncing his head off the console. "Don't DO that!" Saracen yelled, and threw a highlighter at Epyon. "We're on Manhattan, Sara. Switch over to the news channel." "Really? Ok. here you go."

Just after Saracen switch to the news channel, a 30 trillion year old signal which would have proven the existence of life outside our galaxy passed the antenna. What they heard in the Athena 2 was this:

"Chaos still reigns on Planet Manhattan..." "I DO?" came a shout from the kitchen. "ALLLRIGHT!" "Shut up Caos!" DIAB called. "Don't talk to your king that way! I shall SMITE you!" he shouted, waving a ladel. Diab picked the highlighter up off the ground and whipped it at the kitchen.

"Sources from inside the LSF indicate that there has been a break in the case. Air samples from Manhattan indicate a new and strange bacteria is using oxygen, along with small amounts of nutrients from the ground and air, and producing cardamine."

"Then why aren't we wasted?" said Saracen. "It's got be in here." The news continued. "The bacteria requires a minimum of 10 hours of full spectrum light to survive, so the hope is that as winter is approaching, the bacterial will die off." "Let's hear it for fluorescent lights!" Yelled Caos. "SHHH" everybody else said in unison.

"It is not known whether the bacteria developed naturally, or was intentionally introduced by criminal elements. The LSF is working with Cryer Pharmaceuticals on an anti-bacteria, but proving there are no dangers of side effects--such as a planet wide plague--are slowing the implementation of this plan."

"PLANET WIDE PLAGUE?" everyone shouted. "However," the news continued. "The cardamine levels will eventually start hitting lethal levels. At some point the anti-bacteria will have to be introduced regardless of the dangers." DIAB hit the intercom. "KINORA. HOW LONG BEFORE WE CAN TAKE OFF?"

"Well, I need some engine components to give the engines enough power to take off. They lost some power from being overheated in the sun. I can fab them, but it will take a couple months." "We don't have a couple months. Kinora, we're on Manhattan, the air is filled with Cardi, and the LSF might send a PLAGUE to clean it up!"

"On Manhattan! Well, we can just buy the components then." Kinora offered. "You'll be wasted before you get a mile away." Said DIAB. "And so is the guy who'd sell them to you." "I've got it!" said the Knight. "My suit has it's own air supply. I'll take the multi-tank, and attach the cargo trailer. I'll go to the equipment shop, get what we need, leave some credits behind for when they sober up, and bingo! We're in space!"

"Good plan! Do that now!" DIAB said.

He only hoped the Knight didn't burn down the city in the process.

The multitank was a Kinora/Knight special. It's armor and hull was cut from the wreck of a Titan. It had 6 road wheels (currently mounted) which could be swapped for threads, The Knight's contribution was a turret mounted on the roof which held a six pack of guns consisting of four Nomad Cannons and two Diamondbacks, with a pair of Skyblast B turrets mounted on the sides (For anti-personnel work, the Knight said.) The power cell for the whole thing was out of the same wrecked Titan. For cargo missions like this one, there was a dump truck style trailer which had a tractor beam for cargo manipulation.

The Black Knight liked the tank so much he often slept in it at night.

The Athena 2's cargo bay doors opened, and the multitank went flying out the back. The Knight headed for the city, Skyblast cannons cutting down any trees in his way. On the radar the nearest ship equipment dealer was only 10 miles away, but he'd have to go 5 miles left or right to find a street going in that direction.

Well, time was of the essence!

The Knight tuned the scanners to look for people. There was no one in the buildings ahead, which made sense. This was the business district, and everyone was in full on Cardi Party Mode. The first building in front of him was a glass manufacturer. The Knight thumbed the main cannon triggers, and a 100 foot hole opened up clear through the building.

Across the street was a wallpaper manufacturer. Again, no people inside. The Knight liked his bit of destruction from time to time, but was careful not to kill needlessly. *BOOM* Flames shot through the building as paper and solvents combusted wildly. The multitank didn't even notice.

Next was a bank. While passing through the Knight fired the Skyblasts sideways while activating the tractor beams. About 10 mil in credits flew into the cargo box.

On the other side he entered a shopping district. The glass walls let him rest the guns, and he crashed into a lingerie outlet. Various items of female underwear hung from the cannons and antennas when he left. Next were a perfume shop and a candy store. "I'll have to rename this beast the Valentine's Day Massacre," the Knight quipped, his tank covered in Chocolate and lingerie and reeking of perfume.

Ahead now were the walls of the Equipment shop. The Knight smashed through those and looked around. Again, not a soul in sight. The knight tapped some keys, beamed in the equipment he needed and jettisoned all the credits. "That should cover it." he said to himself. As he spun the tank around and went back the way he came--about 150 feet to the left of his original path, so that there were now two new pathways through the city.

DIAB heard the tank coming, and was worried that it was back so soon. A look out the window at the tank, streaked with melted chocolate, burnt underwear, masonry, and broken glass told him all he needed to know about recent events. Worse, a strange man was hanging from the cannons. "WHEEEEE!" he was screaming, his speech slurred. "WHAT A RIDE! MY NAME IS DRAZZA!! I WAS ALL ALBONE BINKING SOME ALCHLALOL IN AN ABLANDOND LAR OVER A BONGERYAY STORE, WHEN THE FLOOR WHENT WHOOPS!" "STOP RIGHT THERE KNIGHT!" He radioed. "We've got to get that stuff off of you!" Saracen was laughing. "Couldn't we just rename it the 'Panty Raider'?" "Shut UP Saracen!" DIAB fumed. "Do YOU want evidence of this mayhem on our ship? Why I'd rather have the tank covered in..." And DIAB's face lit up. The Tank was parked right in front of the ship.

DIAB walked up to the Maintenance console, and pulled a lever.


[bass] Website: http://www.freewebs.com/flclanbass

[bass] Forums: http://flclanbass.proboards2.com


Caos Post subject: Alaska :DPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:23 pm

Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2005 9:43 am

Posts: 9

Location: NY Hearing a new peel of laughter comming from the Bridge, Caos peeks out of the Kitchen just in time to hear a string of Curses coming from the radio. "Gods!" he says "what have they done now? " Upon reaching the Bridge Caos finds everyone in a state of laughing apoplexy.

"What have you done now?" He says brandishing his ladel at Diab. Knowing the way his friends mind work he imediatly suspects Diab of causing the "hubub"

"Why dont you go and see for your self" Knight offers as he returns from the hanger. "The Multi Tank is ...." Diab sudenly cuts him off grinning.

Seeing that no one else is going to offer up any info, Caos see no choice but to go and check things out for himself...

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!" Caos shouts as a wave of the most awufull smell hits him as he oppens the hanger door, knocking him to the ground.

Monents later Caos returnes to the bridge tucking a gas mask back into his apron. Stoping in front of Diab he starts rummaging aroung in his Uber-Apron. After a moment he find what he is looking for and hands Diab a sponge. "Do you have any idea what kind of smell Perfume, Chocolate, and 20,000 gollons of sewage makes when you mix them all together?" Caos asks.

"I do" Knight Chirps. *clank* "Ow" ..."Now why did you have to hit me with that ladel?"

"I wasnt talking to you" Caos replyes...."No response Diab?...Oh well as they say *Swab the Poop deck*"

"How do you know it was me? You didnt see anything.." Diab retorts.

Turning to Epyon, Caos asks "Who did it?"

"Diab" Epyon offers with no hesitation

"There, good enough for you?" "But..." Diab trys to defend himself and fails.

"Scrub!" Caos responds with Finality,leaving no room for argument.

As Diab begins to stalk of Caos finds another sponge and hands it to Epyon "But?" he stamers..."Nobody likes a tatel tale" Caos replys with a grin.

Well now that that situation is being taken care of. "Kinora fix the ship and get us out of here!...Saracen...go talk to something..and Knight Go take a shower....you smell like a soggy chocolate tin...." "Every one be back here in half an hour Dinner will be served promtly!"

With the current situation taken care of Caos returnes to the Kitchen and finds he has over cooked Diab's Spicy Bean Patty and in a fit goes of and drinks all of the Fruit punch in the frigd. Now that his thurst was quenched he setteles down with a new Bean Patty and starts over turning on his radio and listening to *Guarded* by Disturbed. Completly unawares that back in the poo poo hanger .......


Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:41 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. After spending countless hours scrubbing the tank, DiaB abandons the plan, drags TBk aboard the ship, and leaves the tank on the planet, claiming that cleaning was 'cramping his style.'

*Two hours later, high above the planet, slowly orbiting it.*

"Um...DiaB. You might want to talk to TBK, he's in his room bawling his eyes out." Kinora says.

"Sigh...I already tried to tell him, that tank stank to high heaven, there's no way I'm bringing it aboard this ship." DiaB replies, exasperated at having to repeat this a million times to everyone.

"But...I mean, he's REALLY bawling." Kinora tentatively says.

"Gah! Why am I always the one stuck with cheering everyone on this hunk of metal up?" DiaB moans.

At the door to TBK's bedroom, DiaB softly knocks.

"Can I come in TBK?" DiaB asks.

"Go away! You murdered my tank!" TBK cries.

"Sigh...open the door before I override the command!" DiaB yells.

"NO!" TBK yells. "I've already jammed it on this side, that won't work!"

"Omfg!" DiaB yells.

Over in the kitchen Caos and the crew's new member, Bazza, are conversing.

"Like my apron?" Caos asks.

"Hell yeah! You got a rocket launcher under there too?" Bazza exclaims.

Caos grins evilly.

"That's friggin' awesome! I want a Uber-Apron too!" Bazza says.

"Are you a chef?" Caos asks.

"Um...no." Bazza mutters.

"Then you can't have one." So saying, Caos sticks out his tongue.


"What the heck was that?" Bazza asked.


"Oh nothing really unusual. TBK must be having yet another break down." Caos shrugs.


"Shall we go check it out?" Bazza says.



"You know it!" Caos says, tossing aside his knife and hauling out the door.

They arrive at TBK's door to find it has been battered down, completely beaten inward. DiaB is apparently beated TBK up against a wall.

"Whoa ho ho! Slow down here DiaB!" Bazza says.

"No no! Don't mind us! Keep beating him against the wall!" Caos says, examing the scratches on the opposite made by this same episode last week.

"You gotta push harder, your scratches aren't matching the ones from last week." Caos quips.

"Hm. You know what, you're right. C'mere TBK." DiaB says, trying to catch TBK who is scampering around the room.


Everyone stands still, as Epyon is standing the doorway with the rubber mallet DiaB used to break down the door in his hand.

"Hey TBK, you are sad because you lost your tank, correct? Well, think of it this way. Out of the ten million credits you allegedly 'found' while getting our parts, two million of it survived, which is more than enough to buy you the latest parts to make you a new tank." Epyon says.

"Hey, you're right! I can make it even bigger this time too!" TBK says, walking towards the cargo room, apparently thinking about his new tank.

"At least he didn't have the same violent reaction to me as he did last time I did this." DiaB says, smiling.

"Oh wait, I almost forgot, I need to show you something DiaB" TBK says.

"Oh *beep*" DiaB says, running towards the bridge.

"That must be the microwave! Back to work!" Caos says.

This leaves only Kinora and Saracen left in TBK's room.

"Well, that was...interesting, to say the least." Kinora says.

"I'll say!" Saracen exclaims.

"Hey look at this!" Kinora picks up a remote laying on a table.

"Oooooh. What's it do?" Saracen exclaims.

"I dunno. Let's try it." Kinora says, pushing it.

A large grinding and sucking noise comes from the back of the ship. Apparently the button activates the cargo door, which is how TBK gets his tank out of the ship.

"We stored the money in the cargo hold, right?" Kinora asks.

"We sure did. Hey what's that floating by the window?" Saracen asks.

TBK comes walking back into his room, and sees Kinora and Saracen with their faces pressed up against the window. Apparently large amounts of something are floating past the window.

"What are you guys still doing here. Get out of my room!" TBK says.

Saracen and Kinora fumble with something between them, before finally Kinora sticks it in his pocket, and they hurriedly walk out the door.

At the bridge, later.

"Hey DiaB? I'm afraid I've got something to confess." Kinora says.

"Hm? What's that Kinora? Can you make it quick please, I'm trying to figure out where we should be going, and I'm not exactly feeling ok after TBK got done with me." DiaB murmurs.

"Oh really? Oh, ok...it was nothing." Kinora says, looking frightened.

Screams echo from the back of the ship.

DiaB looks at Kinora through half-closed eyelids.

"You didn't do something to TBK's money did you?" DiaB asks.

"Heh heh. Of course not. You know, I just remembered I have something to do, in the uh...maintanence hatch...yeah. I'll be up there until...I uh...get it fixed." Kinora says.

"You do that. I'll be sure to tell TBK that you're busy and he can speak with you later." DiaB mutters, heading towards the cargo hold.

*Five hours later*

"Any idea where we're going BiaB?" Bazza asks.

"Nope. Say, any idea where TBK is?" DiaB says.

"I think he's still in his room with Kinora." Bazza replies.

"Really? Wow, I thought he'd be done with Kinora after a half hour, and its been what, four hours since he found him now?" DiaB says.

"Yup. Say, what's that planet over there?" Bazza asks.

Screams echo from TBK's room.

"I dunno, let's orbit until TBK finishes with Kinora, then we'll go. Don't want any cops inspecting the ship with Kinora screaming like a woman in here." DiaB replies.

"Sigh...I'm going to go help Caos or something. Have you seen his Uber-Apron? That thing is really something ya know..." Bazza mutters as he walks off.

DiaB rolls his eyes.

"If only knew how much Caos loves that stupid apron." DiaB murmurs, smiling.

"WHAT!?" Caos says, appearing in the doorway.

"What..how..when...you were just in the kitchen! How do you always manage to get to the scene of anybody saying anything about you so quickly?" DiaB says, voice just a little shaky.

"You think its stupid eh? Well how stupid is this?" Says Caos, whipping two guns out from under his apron, aimed at DiaB and the control panels surrounding him."

"I think I'll get off at this planet guys. That is, if we don't become a smear across the atmosphere of course." Bazza says.

What planet are our heroes about to suddenly and unexpectedly crash land into? Will be another Manhatten, filled with cardamine? Has this new cardamine wave perhaps spread to other outreaching areas near it? Will our heroes become like the mysterious Bazza, addicted to the drug?


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 7:41 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT**

SOry for making mine so close to each other, but I'm kinda worried about my chemistry exam, and I'm trying to clam myself down, and this is pretty relaxing.

So here goes, again.


"Ok ok! I'm sorry Caos! Sheesh!" DiaB says, holding his hands up.

"That's right! You better be sorry!" Caos puts his guns away, and starts waling away.

"Whew! That was a clo-" DiaB starts to say.


Caos finally walks out of the bridge holding his ladle, leaving DiaB on the floor rubbing his head, glaring at Caos.

- Warning! Planetary descent too harsh. Correct angle. Hull temperature, one hundred degrees -

"Whoops, kinda forgot about the planet." DiaB says.

"Sigh...why is hitting the nanobot button always MY responsibility?" TBK mutters.

"Because you're the only one who insists on buying the dang things by the ton!" DiaB says.

"Hm, I wonder why. Maybe because we end up flying into some sun or planet every other flight!!!" TBK screams.

"Whatever. Just do your nanobot business and let fix the mess you made." DiaB says.

"What...my mess?!" TBK sputters.

"Yeah your mess! If you had locked your money down it wouldn't have gathered on the hull when Kinora released it and burst into flames as we entered the atmosphere." DiaB says calmly, trying not to smile.

"Tie down my money!? Are you insane!? Since when do you tie down money!?" TBK yells, spitting just a little bit.

"Ever since we had Kinora and Saracen aboard this ship." DiaB says.

DiaB finally pulls the nose up, and they regain a slow docking procedure.

"I heard that!" Saracen says.

"How was I supposed to know what it did? It was a button sitting in the middle of the floor! Did you expect me to just leave it there without pressing it? Duh!" Kinora says, sticking his head out of a maintanence shaft.

"I'm going to rip your innards out you little..." TBK says, advancing on Kinora.

"Yipes!" Kinora says, crawling back into his maintenance hole.

Suddenly, they hear a screech form the cargo bay.

"That was the cargo door opening, was it not?" Says Epyon, walking into the bridge and taking over the pilot chair again.

"Yeah, which is strange. I mean, we're all here, and Caos is in the kitchen. Who could've opened it?" DiaB asks.

"Bazza." TBK says, pointing out the window.

Bazza was apperently serious about getting off at this planet, and slowly floats by the window, sky diving with a parachute on. He looks over and waves at the ship.

"Cool!" Saracen says.

"Where'd he get a parachute?" TBK says.

"I don't think that's a parachute, that's the sheets from Caos' bed, bundled up." DiaB says, peering closely.

Caos appears at the doorway.

"He stole my frigging SHEETS!?" Caos says.

"What...how...you were in...oh forget it." DiaB stutters.

"Those are my sheets! Be right back guys." Caos says, setting down his ladle.

"What's he planning to do, I mea Bazza is slowly fly-...oh." TBK starts to say, then hears the cargo door screech open.

They all peer out the window and watch as Caos goes plummeting past the ship towards the small figure of Bazza below.

"I think now I've seen everything." DiaB says.

"You said that last week when I flew us into the sun." Kinora quips.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:25 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT**

Just took my chemistry exam, and I'm overjoyed in that I totally know I got over a D on it. So I'm writing another episode to celebrate.



"DIVE DIVE!!" Epyon screams, finally taking his place in the pilots seat.

"Why not just leave him? It'll be fun to see if Caos can get his sheets off of Bazza and make his own parachute in time." Kinora says.

"Don't make me throw YOU out the cargo door." Epyon says.

"Hey Epyon, did you know I got to fly the ship while you were in the bathroom near the sun? It was cool!" Kinora exclaims.

"You...flew this ship...all alone...without proper training or a license." Epyon says though half closed eyelids.

"Yup!" Kinora says.

As TBK is walking down the hallway towards the bridge, the ship suddenly turns left, keeps turning, and soon enough is upside down, on its right side, and finally right side up.

You can only imagine what he would've gone though, being in a suit of armor and all.

"Who the hell did a barrel roll while I was walking through the halway? You have ANY idea how much it HURTS!?" TBK yells.

"Nope. Did you like the barrel roll though? Epyon showed me how to do it." Kinora says, apparently driving the ship.

DiaB walks down the hall towards the bridge and notices black scratch marks that spiral down the hallway. DiaB peers at them, trying to make sense of how scratch marks got on the ceiling, then feels the ship start to turn to the left, again. He then hauls for the bridge.

"KINORA! OUT OF THE PILOT'S SEAT! NOW!!' DiaB yells pointing his finger at the door.

"We were only having a little fun." Epyon pouts.

"Have you rescued Caos yet!?' DiaB yells.

"No we're gonna let him fall to his doom. Of course we got him! He's sitting on the wing right now!" Kinora says.

DiaB looks out the window and sees Caos sitting on the wing of the ship. He is making circular motions with his hands.

"What is he trying to tell me? Um...uh...a loop? A...circle? A...barrel roll?" DiaB ponders.

"Barrel roll?! Ok!!' Kinora yells in delight and turns the ship to its left side, then upside down, then its right side, then right side up.

During this whole thing, two important things happened. One, Caos simply walked around the ship like a logger spinning a log on water, enjoying himself like heck, and Two, the bridge now had its own circle of scratch marks due to TBK.

*Later after docking*

"The readins are the same here DiaB, 60 percent cardamine in the air, and rising too, fast." Kinora says.

"Hm...strange. And creepy, now that you mention it." DiaB says.

"Any idea what planet this is?" Saracen asks.


They all hear a toilet flushing. Then Epyon comes rushing into the bridge.

"Do you freaking live in the bathroom man? C'mon! Identify htis planet for me!" DiaB says.

"Stupid chilli con carne..." Epyon mutters, and sits in the pilot seat and works on the nav map ferociously for a few minutes.

A few minutes go by, with only the sounds of Caos' knife chopping up vegetables to break the silence.

"Hm...this is weird." Epyon finally says.

"What?" DiaB, Kinora, and Saracen all ask, peering closer to the nav map.

"It says we are on Manhatten, but how is that possible?" Epyon says.

"It means...WE FLEW IN A FREAKING CIRCLE!!" DiaB screams.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.

Looking up from the controls, kinora's face suddenly goes pale, "OHMYGOD! we're caught in a hyperspace bubble!" stumbling back from the controls he manages to fortuitously avoid a swipe from his commader to the back of the head.

"Or, some complete numnbskull rewired our engines the wrong way!" DIAB screamed his finger stabbing at the nav console, the ship's ion trian showing a rough circle with the untravelled waypoints still sitting on the map.

Saracen squinted and epyon sighed, rolling his eyes as he slipped into the pilot seat once more. A chuckle issued forth from the besuited figure of the black night, "why don't you take someone who doesn't want to kill you, to give you a hand?"

Kinora grinned wickedly and began backing out of the bridge slowly. "well one whiff of the local air and you won't have a problem with me." he turned around suddenly face to face with his stony-faced captain. "you open the air of THIS ship to the outside atmosphere I will personally have caos COOK you!" Kinora kept on grinning epyon shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "hear that Epy? Chilli con me?" though he was facing the forward viewscreen the hand suddenly travelling to the mouth was plainly visible, and he stumbled, hunched over, once more to the ships bathroom.

Saracen sighed. "we need a *beep* airwick."

Kinora lifted up a piece of deck plating and shimmied into the crawlspace, he looked at the engine manifolds wriggling his way through the tight space, a penlight held between his teeth. Craning his head left and right something hit him. "Ah." he said as a lightbulb flicked on somewhere in the bulb-riddled regions of his mind. it took much grunting and straining but finally he rolled over onto his stomach, and a quick replacing of several power leads gave the desired result, he called the pridge from a comms device on his wrist. "All good Boxy, we're ready."

It wasn't that Kinora was daft or absent-minded, rather that he suffered from a constant mental overload, oftentimes so severe that minor details were lost. Like the fact that he had now rerouted the sewage system through the engines.

walking back onto the bridge wiping grease from his hands he saw saracen reading something in chinese by the coms console, epyon was fidgeting uncomfortably in the pilot's seat. Something was bothering kinora, and it wasn't knight making a point of cleaning the ship's compliment of pulse rifles in a very obvious fashion. there was in itch in the back of his brain.

"Let's blow this popstand." Said Death in a Box giving epyon the nod.

Suddenly it hit him. "OH SHI-"

from the exterior of the ship, well back in fact, this is what the take off looked like: a low rumble came from the athena 2 which turned quickly into a groan, and suddenly a twenty-thousand ton fart issued forth, blasting outward, organic material wilted underneath the odour, noses were inverted in their desperate attempts to flee the stench, glass melted, water evapourated and when the sewage reached the ignition the athena rocketed up into the atmosphere propelled at hundred of metres per second on a stream of flaming sewage.



TheBlackKnight Post subject: Tank You!Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:01 am

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA "Does anybun have genny Cardi? I tink I heel a fangover comming..ERK!" DIAB grabbed Bazza by the shirt, and dragged him to sick bay. "Is dis bear the smarti is at?" Bazza slurred. There, he threw him into what looked like a closet, and shut the door. Next to the door was a Keypad. DIAB typed in 'cardamine detoxification' and walked away.

"Saracen," the Black Knight asked, "Have they started releasing that plague yet?"

"I just checked the news. They are scheduled to start in about...what time is it...20 minutes!"

The Knight looked at the cardi levels on his screen. No sharp drop yet. Then this was worth a shot.

The Knight turned on the double Doppler ground tracking system he'd installed last Christmas--a present from Kinora, ironically. He got a lock on his tank, and as they flew over the park, he activated the ships tractor beams.

Just as DIAB walked back in Epyon announced, "I'm showing a power loss and a change in mass. Compensating with the Thruster." Everyone looked at Knight. "What?" He said looking as innocent as a man in a steel suit can.

"Knight," Diab started, "If you beamed that Piece of *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*" The tactical alarm went off on Knight's station. "Oh this is not good." The Knight said, powering up the weapon systems and stabilizing shields.


Just a little while ago--Colorado/New York Jump Gate


A fleet of horribly beweaponed Sabres and Droms burst out of the Colorado Jump Gate. [OSG]-Phoenix took point. It was true, the cardamine bacteria had proved far more potent than OSG scientists had expected--the plan was to simply turn Manhattan into Malta for a while--with the inhabitants becoming unknowingly addicted to Cardi over a period of years. The bug had to be reintroduced each spring--well, one spring it wouldn't be, and then the profits would flow. As everyone on the planet craved Cardi, even [BoB] would have to relent and allow the flow of sweet sweet cardamine.

Yes it was true the levels were 100 times higher than planned. But the numbers gathered by the OSG agents on the ground indicated that the levels were stabilizing. The planet would be goofy 'till winter, but no one was going to die. This story about "lethal levels" warranting an anti-bacteria release--which could kill every last one of the billions of people on the planet if things didn't go well--was a ruse to hide the truth--that the government would rather kill everyone on Manhattan than let the Cardi flow. Well, Phoenix and his fleet would put a stop to that!


At the same time, West Point, New York


At West Point, another horribly beweaponed fleet gathered. This police fleet was on it's way to Manhattan, to begin spraying the anti-bacteria. [Bob]-Captain Planet was leading this expedition personally.

He was still ticked off at all the "Plague Danger" crap the news was reporting. He had seen the data himself--he wouldn't embark on such a mission if he hadn't. All this little bug did was eat cardi. Once it was introduced, you'd have a tough time even selling on the street without it disappearing from your hands. The by product? A solid resin that was non-toxic and easy to clean up. Why, this little bug might put him out of a job--once it was introduced to all the planets and bases, there'd be no way to sell cardamine ANYWHERE! True, it would be LIKE a plague if they released it on Malta, but even Cappy didn't approve of that. The Outcasts had a right to exist too--but that didn't mean they could mess with everyone else's DNA!


Manhattan, New York, just as the console went *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*


As it happened the two fleets converged over Manhattan just as the <i>Athena 2</i> left the atmosphere.

And here is how both commanders interpreted the appearance of our heroes' ship.

"Commander Phoenix! We have a new ship coming from the planet. Unknown type!" Benno radioed. "No civilians on that planet are in any shape to fly...It must be Navy or LSF! All ships open fire!"

"Captain Planet!" AnT radioed. "New contact coming in at point 3. Ship unknown type." "One of ours?" Cappy replied? "Nope." "Must be one of theirs then. No civilians could get a ship to launch in the condition they're in! Tag contact as hostile and open fire!"

And here is how they reacted aboard the <i>Athena 2</i>:

"HOLY SH*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*" DIAB yelled. "Knight turn off that alarm! We already know we're *BEEEEEEEEEE*click*" "Got it!" The Knight replied. He programmed another batch of nanobots to make the hull as thick as they could and sent them on their way. "Epyon!" The Knight yelled. "Plot a course for the Texas Jump Gate--straight shot--ignore the trade lanes. I'll try to keep them off of us!"

"Oh, and Epy," "Yeah?" "If you know any fancy moves, now is the time" the Knight added.

Eppy thought for a minute, and sent the <i>Athena 2</i> into a downward spiral. "Quite fitting, don't you think?" he added. A cauldron of lukewarm pea soup Caos was fixing in the kitchen dumped all over him. "Argh! He yelled from the kitchen."

Quietly, DIAB said, "What's the matter, didn't the stupid Uber-apron save you?" Suddenly, Caos--covered in soup, ran into the cockpit, guns drawn. "Did some one say something about my Apron?!!" He pulled the triggers, and pea soup poured out of the guns. *BEEEEEEEEEEEP* he yelled, and threw the guns on the ground.

"Hull down to 15%. We're in trouble! Knight, Any weird tricks are welcome!" DIAB Said. The tail guns--two Rapier shield guns and a Skyblast-B, were simply not enough to scare the hordes of ships coming at them.

The Knight pondered the situation: "Well, if the Septic tanks weren't empty, I'd suggest we engine kill, do a 180, and blind them with sewage. But that won't work now." "I've got nothing left." Said Epyon. "Wait, I'VE GOT IT!" said the Knight. "Diarrhea?" asked Epyon? "NO! THIS!" the Knight replied.

The Knight flipped open a panel on the forearm of his suit, and activated the newly recovered tank. He rolled it onto the end of the docking bay doors, and put it into "Siege mode"--the tires folded down, and the wheels magnetized themselves to the door. Then he opened the bay doors, and fired all the cannons simultaneously.

A river of flame shot out at the pursuers who broke left and right to avoid certain death. That let Epyon put some distance on the attackers and got them out of gun range.

The attackers, who were now without a target, quickly turned back to their original task of annihilating each other.

Now Epyon punched up the cruise engines, and headed for Texas!

"Hey DIAB, the multi-tank should be just about frozen from the cold of space. I could probably clean it off pretty handily now." The Knight beamed. "And it HAS saved us TWICE in as many days..." Death in a Box collapsed in his chair. "Fine. You can keep the tank. I'd rather put of with the smell than any more of your *BEEP*."

"Ah," said the Black Knight. "Our pursuers are now outside scanner range altogether."

"Nice work everybody. We'll have some repairs made at Houston or Beaumont-depending on who's still shooting at us." DIAB noted.

"Oh I hope it's Houston." said Kinora. "I know a place that does the best Chili Con Carne this side of *SMACK* OW!"

<i>The battle over New York was fierce, but one of the [Bob] spray ships, nearly destroyed, did a planet dive. It exploded, releasing enough of the anti-bacteria agent to neutralize the cardamine over time. However, there was one negative side effect. Starved for Cardi, the bug began seeking out other things to feed it, and discovered that there was one other thing it could eat to survive: the material in people's clothing. Within 6 months, the Cardi was gone, and everyone on the planet was hung-over and naked. Will our heroes end up in the same state? Tune in next time for SPACE CADETS!</i>


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Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 10:39 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. "Ahhh. Texas. I love the place. Did I tell you I grew up on that planet?" Kinora asked.

"Sigh...you've asked me this twenty some odd times already! Don't you have something to go mess with, like fix the seweage dump?" DiaB groaned.

"Oh yeah!" Kinora says.

As Kinora walks out into the hall, DiaB hears, "Hey TBK! Did I tell you I grew up on Texas?"


"Security passports please." The security officer said, while our heroes were trying to get into the local pub.

"What the heck do you mean 'security passports'"? DiaB says, irritated at these new security procedures.

"It means, without a passport, you don't get in." The guard says.

"Sigh...hold on a second." DiaB says, turning around to Epyon.

"You still got those fake passports that we can all use Epyon?" DiaB asks.

"Oh yeah, here you all go." Epyon says, passing one to everybody.

"Here you go security guard sir." Kinora says.

"Um...this isn't you. This is the dude behind the dude behind you." The security officer says.

"Oh yeah, thanks for pointing that dude." Kinora says, switching his with Caos'.

"Um...you haven't even signed this thing." The security officer says.

"Oh, whoops, must've forgotten to do that back at the uh...the uh...headquarters or wherever..." Kinora says, looking for a pen.

"Here you go." The guard says, handing over a pen.

"God dang it, I screwed up my name, and its in highlighter, so I can't erase it." Kinora says, calling for Epyon.

Epyon comes running over.

"I need a new passport Epyon, I ruined mine." Kinora says.

"You ruin yours every time! Good thing I brought an extra one, here you go." Epyon says.

"No you don't want the blue one, you want the red one...that one." The guard says, picking one out of Epyon's outstretched hands.

"Oh yeah, you're certainly right. Well, here you go!" Kinora says, handing the guard his passport.

"Thank you very much. NEXT!" The guard yells.

Saracen hands the guard his passport.

"Um...this isn't you. This is the guy that was the first to walk in." The guard says.

"Epyon!" Saracen yells.

Caos smacks his hand against his forhead.

Five hours later, after much drinking, yelling, cursing, pinching the serving mistresses, and even an incident involving some brocolli, the heroes wind up back on the ship, and crash until they wake up.

*Five days later, in orbit around the planet.*

"Whoa that was some party!" Kinora says, walking into the bridge.

"Yeah. Good thing I'm here to watch all you drunkards." DiaB says, sitting in the pilots seat.

"What's that banging from the back of the ship?" Kinora says.

"Um...I dunno........Oh yeah! Bazza! I left him in the cardamine detoxification chamber!" DiaB exclaims.

"He's going to be so sober, its been almost a week that he's been in there." Kinora says, looking horrified.

After pulling Bazza out of the chamber, they immediately realize their error.

"Hey guys! What's up! Hey do you know that constellation right there? Hey I know that one! Hey look at that! That looks like a bird! And look at that one! And -" Bazza is talking a mile a minute before ...


"God that was irritating!" Caos says, holding a frying pan in this hand.

"Did you hit him because he was talking, or because he stole your sheets?" Kinora asks.

"He stole my sheets!" Caos yells.

"What's that hanging out of your apron Caos?" DiaB says, pointing to something that looks like Caos' sheets hanging partly out of his apron.

"That's my sheets. I have to rebreak them in, because, well. Ya know, they got washed." Caos says.

"Ha! You're afraid to have your sheets washed?! How idiot-" DiaB starts to say before being cut off by Caos, holding up the frying pan again.

"Complete that sentence and I'll still you in that detoxification chamber with a lump on your head so big I'll be able to see while you're walking around the corner." Caos says through clenched teeth.

DiaB backs away with raised hands. TBK comes rushing in, apparently having woken up.

"Hey guys! Wasn't that party great! Especially the brocolli part! That was so hilarious! Hey what's that sticking out of your apron Caos? Is that your she-" TBK says, then stops, seeing Caos holding his frying pan up.

"Ok then! I'll just shut up and go do...something in the bridge." TBK says, walking out.

Saracen walks into the room, opens his mouth to say something, sees Caos holding his frying pan up, closes his mouth, and walk out.

"I thought not!" Caos yells out.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: Kinora's BrainstormPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 12:11 pm

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA <i>We find our heroes this week in a quandry of guns and money. Death In A Box and Kinora are discussing the problem just outside the entrance to the cargo bay.</i>

"I'm telling you DIAB, I just can't mount any more guns on this thing. The power cell can't take it. we're over the power budget on guns as it is." Kinora pleaded.

"Well why can't we put in a second cell?" DIAB asked looking for an out. "It would have to be a completely separate power system. You can't run them together or you get feedback loops and stuff tends to blow up." Kinora replied.

"Well were going to have to do something. Once we get rid of the Black Knight's tank, we won't be able to roll that out the back door anymore." DIAB said. "What the hell are you talking about?" the Knight poked his head from around a corner. DIAB jumped. "Knight! I thought you were in the bay tuning up your tank!" "I'm taking lessons from Caos. What are you talking about get rid of my tank?! I just spend the last week taking it a part, cleaning all the SEWAGE out of it (your fault I might add) and putting it back together! It goes I go!"

"Knight, we're almost out of cash. We've needed three times more repairs than I'd planned for the entire venture, and we're going to need to do some cargo runs to get back in the black." DIAB explained. "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute lack of Tank on my part." The Knight reasoned. "Besides! The <i>Athena 2</i> has a HUGE hold! It's stuffed full of provisions for our trip!" "It WAS stuffed." Diab said. "Was?" The Knight asked. "AAAAHAAHHAHAHHAHA" a scream echoed from the cargo bay. "MY FOOD! WHERE IS MY FOOD." Caos was not happy. He came running up with is sheets in bunch and a can of baked beans in each hand. "All we have is BEANS! Where is my FOOD?" "Come to think of it," The Knight added, "Where are my TV Dinners?"

"Hold on a sec!" DIAB Shouted. "Do you think I can get the hull redone for FREE? Every time Neil Armstrong over here," pointing towards Kinora, "flies us into a STAR, it costs money for parts! " "Ooh! You think I'm like Neil Armstrong?" Kinora interjected. DIAB pressed on. "I had to sell most of the food just for FUEL after the last set of repairs! They wouldn't take the beans!" Caos pulled his guns out from under his apron.

"Guys wait!" Kinora spoke up. "I've got a solution for all this!" The three men looked at him, and listened to his plan.

"Ok, now hear me out." Tending to the man nearest to committing violence, he turned to Caos. "Caos, you want good food--not baked beans...we could run Luxury foods out of Cambridge--and eat the stuff thats going to spoil anyway before it goes bad! We'll run it up to the Hawaii--lots of stuff to see on the way too! Maybe we can find some new jump holes!" He then turned to the Knight and DIAB. "You want your tank, and you want more guns on the ship. Lets mine some scrap metal out of the Jersey Debris field, and I'll rig something so we can MOUNT the tank on the outside of the ship! It's guns are turret mounted, and it would easily double our firepower! And it has it’s OWN power source, so it won’t drain the ship! And if we land, we'll just roll it down some kind of ramp. When we take off, we'll lock it in place on the roof! And if we mount the cargo attachment, boom, more cargo space for the ship!"

Caos, Diab and TBK looked dumbfounded. "Kinora, that's brilliant." DIAB said. "Indeed." said the Knight. Caos put away his guns, and adjusted his bed sheets. "Ok," Caos said, "But you'll be eatin' beans from here to Cambridge!" "Where did you ever get the idea for the tank?" DIAB asked? "Oh, I think I saw it on a cartoon show years back. Can't remember which one." Kinora laughed.

Diab smacked his forehead. "Ok. All is right with the world now." Knight said. "I'll go tell Eypon to set a course for the Jersey Debris field." DIAB said. "Knight, power up the guns and get ready to do some mining." "Gotcha chief." "Kniora," DIAB continued, "Get your plans together. And Caos..." DIAB wiped his face with his hand, imagining the consequences of his next order. "Whomp up some beans."

<i>Will the beans put Epyon back in the bathroom? Will "Neil Armstrong" fly them into another star? Will "the musical fruit" be enough to keep our heroes going until they reach Cambridge? To find out, tune in to the next episode of "Space Cadets!"</i>


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Death in a Box Post subject: THe Beginning of the Uncovering.Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:44 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT** Time for an actual plot. **EDIT**

After picking up luxury goods and a few other 'necessar' commodities, they set off for Luxury Liner Hawaii.



"I knew it was a bad idea to suggest using the magnetic flats on the bottom of the tank to stick it on the outside. Now he's driving the frigging thing around the ship." DiaB mutters.



"Omfg, that's going to irritate the heck out of me." DiaB says, still muttering.




"That's it, time for some pawnage." He says, getting out of the pilot's ship and stalking over to the radio.

"TBK! Would you please STOP driving your tank around the ship! Its driving me nuts!" DiaB says.

"Did someone want nuts? Look at all these totally expensive ones we got with the shipment!" Caos says, holding a jar of roasted peanuts in the doorway, munching.

"Roger that DiaB! Its just so fun! One last time!" TBK is yelling.



"You said one last time!" DiaB screams.

"No I didn't! I said two!" TBK says.

"No, you said 'I'll do it one more time.'" DiaB says.

"One more time? Ok!!" TBK says.


"Get Epyon up here." DiaB says to Caos.

A few minutes later, with Epyon in the pilot's seat.


"Ok, wait until he's right on top of us, go forward at maximum speed, with maximum thrusters, do a barrel roll, and stop completely after we turn around. That should be enoug to scrape him off." DiaB says.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Yes? Fine..." Epyon says.

The ship lurches forward, clattering comes from the kitchen, then the ships does a barrel roll to the left, more clattering from the kitched along with some high pitched screaming.


"Oh man guys that was so much fun! Do it again!" TBK says exciteadly.

"Omfg!" DiaB says crossly.

"Kinora, hook up something electrical to the wall, and let's see if that does the trick." Epyon says.

"Ooo. Sounds fun. Hang on, gimme a sec." Kinora says, popping in and then out of a hole in the floor of the bridge.


A few minutes pass, and during this, Caos appears on the bridge, covered in red hot soup, and proceeds to bang Epyon's and DiaB's faces into the windshield.


"Ok, almost done!" Kinora says, crawling out of the hole.

"Hey what are those smudges on the windshield? Kinora says.

"Oh their nothin' dun wurry abut 'em." Epyon says, swaying slightly.

"Um...ok. Here goes!" Kinora says, pushing a button on the bridge.


Screaming echoes from the kitchen, and from the radio comes the sounds of ...

"Um...guys. Guys I'm floating off into space. GUYS! HELP ME!! HEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeellll........" TBK says, then slowly gets quieter.

"Wow! It really worked! Cool! Good thing no one was touching any of the walls, huh." Kinora says, grinning.

Saracen and Caos appear in the doorway, looking a littler burnt.

"Uh oh." Says Kinora.

A few minutes later, with a third smudge on the windshield, they fly close to TBK to pick him up.

"Hey, why isn't he responding?" DiaB says, sounding worried. TBK has a thing with being alone, so, thus the worry.

"Scan the ship for life Kinora." Says Epyon.

By now everyone is standing in the bridge.

"Gotcha. Scanning. Scanning. Huh, that's weird. There's no one onboard." Kinora says, scratching his head and messing with the machine.

"Well where the heck is he?" DiaB says, really worried now.

The rest of the crew glance around, all looking worried. Suddenly, a large battlecruiser shrouded in darkness flies over the ship, casting the bridge into shadow.

"What in the name of all that is holy..." Saracen mumbles.

"Guys! Can you hear me! I'm on this ship! There are...things...coming after me! Get me the hell out of here!" TBK says, with shots being fired in the distance.

"Frick!! Get that tank on this ship Kinora. Epyon fly us in close, look for a place to dock. Saracen, get on the radio, tell TBK to find someplace to hide for a while, we'll come get him. Caos, you're the man going in, get ready." DiaB barks out orders.

"I think I can see some writing on the side of the ship sir." Epyon points it out.

"Can I take my sheets with me?" Asks Caos.

"Sure sure, whatever Caos." DiaB says, deep in thougth.

"Liberty Science Research Vessel. Huh. I wonder what kind of experiments those things that TBK were scared of really were. Guess we'll find out soon enough." says Kinora.


Co-authors. Let's keep it semi-realistic, and let's get this plot moving.

As in, don't take this idea and turn it upside down to include humor. Build off of it, making it an interesting and realistic plot, one worth spending large amounts of time reading, not the occasional glance for laughter.

But keep the humor going good too, of course.



There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIP!Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:14 am

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA <i>When last we left our heroes, The Black Knight had been captured by some strange force on an abandoned Liberty Research Ship, after DIAB tried to teach him a lesson by almost killing him. We rejoin our heroes on the bridge of the</i> Athena 2<i>as rescue opertions are planned.</i>

"We're in formation with the hulk." Epyon reported. " And I've got the tank reconnected to the hull, and the tank turret is under <i>Athena 2</i> fire control." Kniora stated, having taken over the Knights tactical station. "Good. We might need the firepower." DIAB said. "Epyon, can we get an enhanced visual on the ship?" "Got it," Epyon said. The Liberty "Research" Ship was clearly a battleship--no doubt with additional science modules inside.

"Saracen, are you picking up any radio traffic." DIAB asked. "Silent as a tomb." He said, getting looks from everyone. "I just mean it's quiet! Nothing more!" He defended himself. "Even the running lights are off."

"Hey, what's going on guys?" Bazza walked on to the bridge, fresh from the sick bay healing chamber. "How did I hit my head anyway? I can't remember..." "Shhh." Diab said. "The Knight is in trouble. Somehow he got on to that ship across the way, and his last report was rather alarmed. Kinora, do you see a way in?" DIAB asked. "Nope. The docking bay is sealed shut, as are all the external hatches. Those battleships aren't designed for easy access."

"Well then, how did the Knight end up on boa*<i>Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzip!</i>*" Suddenly, Bazza disappeared in a burst of blue light.

Everyone stared for a few seconds, the impact of the event settling on them.

"This is not good." Caos said, adjusting his bed sheets. "Get a grip guys," DIAB said. "Let's not freak out. The Black Knight has armor, guns and his plasma cutlass. I'm sure he can hold out until we come up with a plan..."

Just then a short beam of green light shot from the middle of the hull of the battleship. It quickly made a circle, and then a steel book kicked the crudely fashioned door into space. "SEE I TOLD You!" DIAB said with excitement! "Go KNIGHT!" The Knight snapped his sword back to his belt and began to fly off into space on his suit jets. He got about 30 feet.

At which point, aobut 50 glowing blue tentacles oozing some sort of sticky blue goo, shot out of the hole and grabed the Knight. The Knight activated his gauntlet blasters and tried to shoot his way free, but he was quickly pulled back into the ship. Then a single tentacle shot out, grabbed the "door," and pulled it back into position. Sparks flew as the door was welded back into place from all sides at once.

"Oooooookaaaay...." Diab said staring at the screen. "Permission granted to freak out...Epyon, full power to the cruise engines, and best speed to the Hawa*<i>ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzip!</i>"

Five flashes of blue light, and the <i>Athena 2</i> found itself without a crew.

<i>What strange secrets does the ship hold? Does Bazza hold the key to their escape, or do the strange monsters hold Bazza? Will the Black Knight ever see his beloved Multi-Tank again? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Space Cadets!"</i>


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Death in a Box Post subject: Slurp.Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 2:57 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. SCHLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!

"AH! Get this thing the heck off of me!" Says Saracen, running in circles with something suctioned on to his head.


Caos blows the smoke out of his gun.

"I had a thing...attached to my head...two inches away from my face...and you shot it." Saracen says.

"Uh huh." Caos nods.

"Are you stupid!? What if you had missed?!" Saracen yells, outraged.

"Want me to try again?" Says Caos lazily, hoisting his gun.

"Oh no, I'm good. Nevermind." Saracen says, holding up his hands.

Epyon pokes the thing with his boot.

"It looks like some kind of parasite, only its like an amoeba." Epyon says, looking disgusted.

"I wonder if these were the things coming after TBK." DiaB ponders.

"Hey guys, instead of staring at the thing, let's find a way out of this room." Kinora says, examining the walls of the white featureless room they find themselves in.

After a few minutes of pointless searching, Epyon has a revelation.

"I'll just activate the homing device on me and let TBK come and rescue us!" He says, grinning, and pushing a few buttons on his cybernetically enhanced arm.

A few minutes pass.

"Well, way to go genius, but TBK was in a bit of trouble when we last saw him, remember?" DiaB says.

"Hey whats beeping on your scanner for Epyon? Kinora says, leaning in close to Epyon, clearly wanting to mess around with this arm.

"Get away from me! Its a homing signal. It usually beeps like that when...a...really big...oh crap. I activated the wrong signal." Says Epyon, looking around worriedly.

"WHAT?! Talk to me Epyon!" Caos says, looking nervous.

"I activated the painter for TBK, he thinks this is a target." Says Epyon.

"YOU WHAT!? So now he's probably launched some missile or another at our location!" DiaB screams.

"At least we'll get out of here." Saracen says.

"Not gonna matter if we're all DEAD!" Says DiaB.

The beeping becomes more and more frequent.

"Find a way out of here! NOW! Caos, don't you have some sort of explosive on you or something?" DiaB demands.

Caos look up from munching on some peanuts he found under his apron.

"Oh yeah, here." He throws some C4 to DiaB.

"You idiot! You don't throw C4!" DiaB is turning purple.

"Really? Watch." Caos pulls out some more globs of C4 and hurls them at the wall.

"See? Nothing happens. You have to press this little remote for anything to happen." He says, pulling a remote out from under his apron.

"Remote?! Oh! Oh! Lemme see!" Kinora says, grabbing the remote out of his hand.

"You little f-" Caos gets out before Kinora pushes the button.


"I'm going to tear your heart out little man." Caos says through clenched teeth.

"Omfg. Omfg. I barely got that other clump out of my hands you idiot!" DiaB says, shaking badly.

TBK walks in through the door.

"Hey guys! I heard the painter's mark coming from here and came to check it out and - OMFG ITS ONE OF THOSE THINGS!" TBK says, pulling his sword and leaping at the dead body of the parasite.

TBK manages to swipe with his sword through the air, down though the end of Epyon's hair (who was peering over STILL looking at the body), down though the floor, and tumbles out of view, but not before everyone hears, "Gotcha little bugger!"

*On the control deck*

A man cloaked in shadows is speaking to a wall screen.

"Things are going as planned sir. We've had an intrusion, but its being dealt with. No sir, the ship WILL arrive and unload into Manhatten on the designated time. Roger that, out."


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.

Last edited by Death in a Box on Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: Strike Force JPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:59 pm

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA <i>When we last left our heroes, they had just been reunited after being attacked by strange blue creatures aboard an seemingly abandoned Liberty Battleship. They are now trying to figure out what happened to them, and how to escape.</i>

As the team rounds a corner, the encounter an officer in the Liberty Navy. He does not appear surprised to see them. The Knight approaches first. "Oh thank God you're here. We got beamed off our ship somehow, maybe by these strange blue creatures you've got roaming your ship."

The man did not respond. "Er, you do know you've got strange blue creatures all over your ship right?" The Knight offered. The Officer drew his sidearm, as his eyes began to glow. "Strange is a relative term. You will be quite 'comfortable' with the blue creatures soon enough." He opened his mouth, and a blue appendage began to extend from it.

The Knight snapped on his plasma cutlass, and in one quick move cut off the man's gun arm and his head. Before the head hit the ground the Knight split it in two and thrust into the chest cavity of the soldier.

"What the hell was that?" Kniora asked? "Nomad infestation I think." Caos responded. "I concur," said the Knight. "I've seen this before. Not in a couple years though." The Knight grabbed the gun and tossed it to DIAB. We'll have to get ourselves armed if we're going to get out of this."

"We can't just get out." Epyon offered. "We've got to destroy this ship. What will happen if a new invasion occurs?" They all shuddered. "I thought all the infested ships were taken care of in '03." Saracen stated, as they moved up the hallway. "That's the official line." Caos offered. "But no one is really sure. Did you ever notice how thick they made the mines surrounding zone 21? Rumor is it's not to keep people <i>out</i> of zone 21. It's to Keep infested ships like this <i>in</i>.

"Well this one got out." DIAB said. "Or has simply hidden for two years. What do you think, Kinora. If we get into engineering can you rig it to blow." "Sure." Kinora replied. "But we'll still be on it when it goes. It's not like in the movies where you can set the reactor to blow in 20 minutes and then take 45 minutes to safely get off the ship."

"I've got it." Said the Black Knight. "Let's get to the docking bay. We'll steal some ships, and blow the fuel or ammo on the way out! If we're lucky they'll have a nice pile of mines! Failing that, with the tank mounted, all we have to do is get back to the <i>Athena 2</i> and blast this heap to dust---you DID capture the tank didn't you?" "Yes Knight. It's safe." Epyon rolled his eyes. "Good." "Let's quit screwing around!" DIAB said. "Let's find a console and figure out where in this rust bucket we are!"

They continued up the hallway, and found a small computer station. Kinora's hands danced across the keys, and printed out a map--with a big "YOU ARE HERE" arrow on it for good measure. "We're about six levels up, and about half the ship length back." Kinora said. "Where is the nearest armory?" DIAB asked. "Coming this way!" Called Epyon who saw a line of troops with heavy laser rifles and an unhealthy glow in their eyes, walking two by two up the hallway. "I'll take care of this!" Said Caos, who elbowed everone out of the way and reached behind his apron for...a potato. "You can't give them all diarrhea that quickly!" Epyon quipped! Caos ignored him, gave the tater a twist and threw it.

After it went about 10 feet, nozzles quicly extended form the front and back. The back ones provided propulsion, while the front ones turned it into a giant fireball. It shot up the hallway, incinerating everything in its wake. "That's one hot potato!" Epyon Quipped! "Quickly! The smoke will give us some cover!" Caos shouted. And the crew ran up the hallway.

Meanwhile, on the bridge, the infested captain brooded. He had been a good man in his day, and that man was laughing his rear off somewhere he was sure. He knew these interlopers were not there of their own accord--an experimental teleportation system short circuited and beamed them all in. But he wasn't going to tell his superiors that. No, they were intruders as far as he was concerned, and now they would feel his wrath. "Lieutenant, order Strike Force J to destroy the interlopers." That would take care of that, he mused. Foom! Purple smoke filled the room. As they backed off, another canister clanked 150 feet behind them, trapping them in the hallway. In the shadows of the smoke, strange shapes moved, accompanied by a mechanical clicking noise...

"Up ahead! There's the turbo lift!" Kinora called. Suddenly, a canister fell with a clank in front of the doors. "Get DOWN" Diab called.

"Ok, I've had enough of this!" the Knight said. He drew his cutlass, and cut a hole in the floor. "Let's go!" he said and everyone jumped in the hole.

They dropped into the Executive officer's quarters. The XO was currently being distracted by a female creature of some persuasion, but the mix of tentacles and blue goo made it unclear what was really going on. The good thing was, they weren't noticed. Another loop of the plasma cutlass, and they dropped down another level.

The next floor was an interrogation room. The walls were covered with circular restraining devices, which held their victims spread eagle and upside down. At the far end of the room, a familiar voice rang out. "NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A NOMAAAAAAD" "BAZZA!" DIAB called. "An officer with a blue tentacle coming out of his mouth, turned to face them. Bazza had been beaten up pretty well, but was still human. Caos and the Knight opened fire, and made sure he stayed that way.

After cutting through Bazza's restraints, they dropped through the floor again. This time into the ships laundry. A 7 foot tall "Space Squid" for lack of a better description was folding uniforms--quite efficiently, probably due to the large number of arms. Luckily, it wasn't very bright, and didn't notice as they dropped through the floor again.

This lead them to a maintenance hatch over the docking bay. The team looked through the grate, and evaluated the situation.

It was not good.

"I don't see any ships, Knight!" DIAB whispered. "There's got to be some." The Knight whispered back. "No there doesn't. The options aren't limited here." DIAB replied. Just then an alarm sounded, and the group jumped. "What's that?" Bazza Yelped! "That's an airlock alarm. There's a ship docking." Caos replied. "Airlock alarm! We'll suffocate!" DIAB replied. Acting quickly, Caos took off his apron and covered the grate. The Knight grabbed the piece of floor he had cut through, and threw it on top. There was a mild hissing noise from around the grate, but for the most part the seal held.

After a minute, there was more hissing as the room below re-pressurized, when it stopped they picked up the floor piece. "My apron has all sort of squares in it now!" Caos Complained. "We'll iron it back at the ship if we live." Epyon replied. "Look down there!"

Now there was a ship--a Drake to be precise. A man in a suit was getting out of it. "Who's that?" Diab asked. "I'll get a shot of him with my visor." The Knight replied, as he zoomed in and took a high res pic. "We'll figure that mystery out later." The guards followed him into the ship. "Check out the guns on that ship! They look like Nomad Cannons! On a Drake!" Saracen Boggled. "The Nomads could mount them to anything. The level 10 mount limitation is ours." Kinora explained. "Think we can all fit inside?" "I flew one of these in college." Diab replied. "We'll fit. But we've got to get down there--looks like a significant drop."

"Leave that to me," the Knight replied, and pulled out a grappling hook and line. He fixed it to the pipes above. "Um, Knight, we don't have durasteel gauntlets." Diab pointed out. "Oh right." The Knight said and pulled out a small spray bottle. "Hold out your hands." Everone complied, as he sprayed a green film over their hands. "This will protect you for the slide down. Washes right off." They lifted the grate, and dropped the line. One by one the crew dropped into the bay.

While all this had been going on, several levels up, Strike Force J had stopped marching around in the fog, and discovered the hole. They dropped down, and saluted their XO. Dropped down, and waved to the thing doing the laundry. Dropped down again, or tried to, as the first one to try got stuck in the hole. They blasted him to smithereens, and the second one tried. He got stuck in the hole. They blasted him to smithereens and the third one tried. He got stuck in the hole. This cycle continued for a platoon or so, until they decided to simply walk a few feet over and take the lift down.

<i> Will our Heroes escape before Strike Force J arrives? Will they succeed in destroying the ship, possibly with the huge stack of nomad mines behind them that they haven't noticed yet? Will the Black Knight convince DIAB that he can't keep the Drake because of possible tracking devices and or auto destruct mechanisms? Is the Nomad scourge returning to Sirius, and finally, who will win the argument over who gets to drive, and who gets to ride in back? These questions and more will be answered in the next exciting episode of "SPACE CADETS!"


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Last edited by TheBlackKnight on Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:32 am, edited 1 time in total.


TheBlackKnight Post subject: Mixed NutsPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 5:35 pm

Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:02 pm

Posts: 1516

Location: Northeast Pennsylvania, USA <i>We left our heroes planning a daring escape from an access way over the docking bay of a Nomad infested Battleship. The Black Knight had just fixed a grappling cable, and sprayed his comrades’ hands with a protective substance so they could slide down. We find them now, having just lowered themselves into the bay.</i>

After Saracen slid down the cable, the Black Knight disconnected the cable and jumped down with his boot jets, returning the cable to his utility belt.

"Hey!" Said Epyon. "What the heck are THOSE things?" On one side of the bay, were about 100 glowing magenta cubes. They looked suspiciously like... "Knight, Tell me those aren't Nomad mines." Caos said. "Ok." the Knight replied. "Caos, those <i>aren't</i> Nomad mines. Feel better?" "No." "I didn't think so."

"What are nomad mines?" Asked Bazza. "Well, no one's really ever heard of Nomads using mines." DIAB replied. "But these look like mines, and they're glowing with what looks like nomad energy." "And if the Nomads are as good with mines as they are with guns..." Saracen expounded. "Then, there's no telling how powerful these things are."

"One more reason to get out of here," DIAB said. He ran over to the Drake and opened the cargo bay. "Ok, everbody get in. I'll fly us out." DIAB said. "Why do you get to fly?" Epyon said. "I'm the navigator!" "I'm the captain, and I say who gets to fly, and who gets to get stuffed in the trunk of a Drake! Now get in there!" "I've just about had enough of your pompous, overdriven command style, DIAB! I'M the Pilot! YOU get in the back."

Caos grabbed the two by their necks, quickly clunked their heads together, and threw them in the cargo bay. "Knight, how are we going to get the bay doors open? We can't just say 'Open Sesame.'" Caos said. "Liberty Battleship have a manual release on the port side." The Knight replied. "Yeah, but you'll have to hang on to it until we're out of the bay." Caos said. "I have a plan. Just trust me. Saracen, Kinora, Bazza, get in the cargo bay. Caos, when I get the doors open, take off."

"Knight, we can't just leave here!" Saracen said. ”God only knows what these creatures intend to do next!" Kinora agreed. "We've got to destroy it at any cost!" Bazza fainted, and Caos threw him in the bay. "We're on the same page, guys. Both of you, get in the bay, and leave it to me." The Knight replied. "We're leaving a lot to you on this one, aren't we Knight?" Caos asked. "I've got the air supply. That's the key really." The Knight replied.

*Muffled* "It's a bit snug in here, Knight" Saracen called out. "Kniora and I are just friends." *also muffled* "And these other guys are crappy furniture." Kinora added. Bazza suddenly woke up: *muffled scream* "AHHAHHAH YOU'RE KNEELING ON MY GROIN!" Kinora punched him out. *muffled* "Only kind thing to do really." Kinora explained.

"Caos, you got another hot potato behind that apron?" Knight asked. Caos looked at him strangely for a second, and then a look of understanding washed across his face. Caos pulled out another of the rocked propelled grenades. "My last one on me. The rest are in the pantry back on the ship." Caos replied. "I'll have to remember that the next time I feel like French fries in the middle of the night." the Knight quipped. Caos tossed him the grenade.

Suddenly a voice called out from the entranceway. "INTRUDERS!" A guard ran for the alarm panel. Caos drew his guns, and the Knight activated his gauntlet blasters. They nailed him simultaneously, but his forward momentum carried him into the alarm panel. His head clunked off the alarm activation button as he fell.

"Holy *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP* were in deep *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*" Caos shouted. "TAKE OFF." The Knight shouted. Caos didn't argue. As he jumped in the ship and closed the cargo bay doors and the main hatch, the Black Knight ran to the manual override on the Battleship's docking bay doors. Suddenly, a shower of blaster bolt's bounced off his armor. Staying focused on the job at hand, he got the bay doors open and leaned on the switch to prevent an override from the bridge.

Lasers sizzled all around him as the bay doors took their good old time. The sudden vacuum sucked the nearest guards out into space. Then emergency bulkheads closed to prevent the entire ship from decompressing. So at least the shooting stopped.

Once the docking bay doors were open, the Drake stared out of the Bay. Caos saluted the Knight for what he felt must be the last time. That wasn't the Knight's plan. He took the potato, gave it a counter clockwise twist and tossed it at the mines. It shot into a mine in the center of the pile, and started to melt it's way in.

The Knight jumped from his position, over a railing, and landed on top of the Drake! He pressed a button on his left gauntlet, and instantly magnetized his suit. "Go Go GO!" he radioed on the open channel with his helmet communicator. He typed a few more keys on his gauntlet and called up the Athena 2 control system. In a blink the Athena 2 dropped out of formation with the Battleship, and locked onto the speeding Drake.

<i>While all this was taking place, in other words, meanwhile...</i>

Aboard the Battleship, the captain was having a high level discussion with Ambassador Timothy Atanaka--a highly placed Kusari diplomat, who had been "enlightened" to the Nomad way several years ago, and was now the leader of the Nomad invasion force. He felt that the previous invasion happened too quickly; garnered too much attention. Under his leadership, no one wouldn't notice the conversion of the humans until it was truly too late.

"I don't think I need to stress the importance of your mission, Captain." He stated flatly. "Right now your ship is the only one of it's kind outside Zone 21." "I know sir. That's why I'm so concerned. Have you been able to convert anyone else?" The captain asked.

"Patience, my friend. Rushing this was the mistake of my predecessor." "But sir, if something were to happen to this ship, the only humans 'enlightened' to the Nomad cause would be trapped in Zone 21! You should be elsewhere!" The captain said. "I have confidence in your crews ability to defend themselves. Besides, who even knows to stand against us?"

"Well, we did have some problems earlier...I must be candid sir. The teleporter experiment in science lab 42 beamed in a crew of traders. Their ship is the one flying unattened in formation outside." The ambassador laughed. "Well surely your entire crew aren't threatened by some trader pieces of *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*" The captain jumped up. "What the *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*!" They ran into the control center. "Captain!" The officer of the deck called out. "We have an intruder alert and a fire in the *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*" "A fire in the where?" "In the *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*" Just then a Drake and a large unusual craft, with what looked like...was that a <i>tank</i> on the roof?...shot passed the main view screen and out into open space. *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP* "Pursuit course!" The captain ordered! "But sir, what about the fire in the *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*?" "Where?" "Here sir!" and the officer of the deck punched up the docking bay.

The Ambassador and the Captain looked at the burning mines. The Ambassador turned to the Captain and said, "You know, you may have a point." *WHOOOOOOOOOOOO...kaBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM*

A massive explosion instantaneously vaporized the battleship, and a pink shockwave sent the Drake and the Athena tumbling. The electromagnetic pulse from the explosion demagnetized the Knight, who tumbled off the roof into space. The crewmembers rattled around the cargo bay like mixed nuts, and required a trip to the Athena 2's infirmary closets.

About an hour later, Diab came out of his closet, and headed to the bridge, to find the Drake floating in space outside the ship. "Why is that ship outside?" Caos looked at him. "What would you do with it? I shot up the sensors, and the computer, dumped it into space, and now I'm gonna blast it!" "What for? That's a sweet little ship!" DIAB shouted. "Yeah! A sweet little ship that could scan us by remote control, open fire on us, or simply blow up by auto-destruct in the hold!" Caos argued. "There's no auto destruct on that ship." DIAB snapped back. "I'm the captain and I order that ship beamed into the hold, or so help me I'll kick your sorry *kaBOOOOOOOOOM*." The ship auto-destructed outside the window. DIAB stared for a second. "Alright you were right don't get snotty about it." "I guess I'll have to get used to it," Caos said "if I'm going to take over Knight's job of slapping you down."

Diab whirled around. "What the hell do you mean 'take over his job?'" DIAB stammered. "He got knocked off the roof of the Drake. That blasted armor of his has stealth properties, so we can't pick him up on the scanners...he's gone." Caos hung his head.

DIAB sat down heavily in his seat, in a state of shock. Several minutes when by. Finally he said, "He was aggravating, demanding, and difficult, and if spent too much time in his suit he smelled funny, but he's saved us all so many times." DIAB said. "I'm going to miss that crazy metal maniac. I'm even going to miss him driving that blasted tank back and forth over my head." *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

DIAB jumped up and looked around. "What the *ZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM*?" Caos ran to the radio. "Knight! Is that you?" "Yeah guys! Thanks for keepin’ the ship steady! I got back by my jet boots--just barely. I figured I'd take a quick spin before I came in!" *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM*

DIAB laughed. Well, this time around he could put up with it.


For a bit.


Just a little while...


Diab hit the radio. "Knight, get your tail back in here."


Caos started laughing.


"Knight?" DIAB called.


Epyon, Saracen, Kinora and Bazza walked in.


"I just had the strangest dream!" Bazza said .


"We were all on this Nomad battleship, and they were going make me a Nomad....."


"...and there were flaming potatoes and sliding down ropes..."


"...and certain death...and someone smashed my..."


"...and then I was in a <i>can</i> of nuts..."


"...all bouncing around, and it <i>hurts</i> to be a nut let me tell you..."


"...not as bad as when someone smashes your..."


"... but still...and then I woke up in the infirmary closet. I wake up there a lot..."


"...but thank God it was only a dream..."


"...and everything is back to normal!" Bazza finished. Kinora punched him out.


"KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"DIAB screamed into the radio.


<i> What strange new adventures will befall our heroes next time? Will Bazza ever get a true grip on reality? Will the Black Knight give the Tank a break? Will Death-In-A-Box finally learn to relax? Will Epyon be able to avoid foods that park him in the bathroom? To find out the answers to these questions and more, tune in next time for another thrilling episode of...SPACE CADETS!</i>


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Master_Pain Post subject: Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:18 pm

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:50 am

Posts: 680 You guys should do some more story telling


You stay classy, Sirius Sector


McKenna Post subject: Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 6:18 am

Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:25 am

Posts: 276

Location: Cambridge, UK Seconded



Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 11:01 am

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. Alright, fine.

Today or tomorrow, when I get one of my one hour breaks between classes, I'll catch myself up and write another chapter.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Master_Pain Post subject: Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2006 12:14 pm

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:50 am

Posts: 680 and yet, we still wait with great anticipation...


You stay classy, Sirius Sector


Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2006 1:58 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. I have an English presentation due tomorrow, a CS homework, a physics prelab, a CS exam, physics homework due Thursday, math homework due tomorrow, a Math exam next week, and a very large annotated bibliography for English due next Friday. I had a physics exam just yesterday, and my schedule has been so tightly packed I'm goign insane.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Master_Pain Post subject: Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2006 3:32 pm

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:50 am

Posts: 680 sometimes in life you have to prioritize different events. Do what I do, freelance it and wing the rest


You stay classy, Sirius Sector

Post subject: Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2006 9:14 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. Master_Pain wrote:

sometimes in life you have to prioritize different events. Do what I do, freelance it and wing the rest

Nono see I actually WANT to have a life.


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


Obskua Post subject: Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 10:33 pm

I dunno I have one, and its nothin special... freelancer is much better


Master_Pain Post subject: Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 12:33 am

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:50 am

Posts: 680 Death in a Box wrote:

Master_Pain wrote:

sometimes in life you have to prioritize different events. Do what I do, freelance it and wing the rest

Nono see I actually WANT to have a life.

Reality check, we don't always get what we want... Just accept it.


You stay classy, Sirius Sector


Death in a Box Post subject: Chapter Who-Knows.Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 8:59 am

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. The last time we left our heroes, they had just escaped a nomad battleship, after blowing the thing up and scattering its remains across the galaxy. TBK had just landed and scooted around the outside of the ship, and unbeknownst to any of our heroes are the multitude of escape pods that were jettisoned from the battlecruise upon explosion.

Diab says over the radio, "Knight, get in this ship this instance or you're going without dinner and I'm sending you straight to your room mister."

Caos lifts one of his eyebrows and opens his mouth to say something, but thinks better of it and instead goes to the kitchen.

"Yeah that's right! Just walk away! Get back to your potatoes you lazy bu- *WHOMP!*, as DiaB gets nailed by a very large and very flying frying pan. "OOOOOOW!! OWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!"

TBK, coming in through the door, "DiaB, be quiet or no dessert tonight."

"Oh come on Knight! I just had to go without dessert last night for smacking up Kinora!"

"Doesn't matter, you want to cause a ruckus you loose dessert."

DiaB grumbles and heads off for an ice pack for the massive red lump on his forhead, when suddenly the ship rocks violently and multiple purple pods whoosh by the control deck's window.

Epyon yells from his chair, "A bunch of purple pods just whooshed by the control deck's window and the ship is shaking violently!"

DiaB just gives Epy a very blank stare. "Why thank you Epy! I do beleive that if you hadn't told me I never would have noticed!"

"Glad I could help DiaB! Now strap in, I'm going to follow these buggers, we gotta see what they're up to."

*After following the pods through blank space for about three hours, and after a very interesting dinner and dessert session, which DiaB probably wishes never to remember again in his life, all heroes find themselves all on the control deck.*

"Well this is boring," says Caos.

"Sure is. Say, can I go outside and zoom around the ship again?" Knight asks.

"NO!" Everyone yells.

"Sheesh! I was just asking..."

"Epy, do a system scan, looking for any possible objects of interest could these pods be heading towards," DiaB says.

"Maybe they're just taking a nice stroll around the galaxy!" Kinora says.

Everyone looks at him.

"...ok maybe not..."

Epyon finally completes his search and says that they are heading towards a planet called Pittsburg.

"Pittsburg? PITTSBURG?! Why the heck would anyone want to go there?" Kinora asks.

At this piont, Baz walks onto the deck, takes one look at the purple pods, and faints.

"Well that's just great. Can I put him out the airlock?" Caos asks with a grin.

"Can I slap you?" DiaB asks.

"Can I go outside and run around the ship?" TBK asks.

"Can I mess with some random circuitry?" Kinora asks.

"Ok, every one of you, shut the frick up, or I'm going to go postal on all of you." Epyon says, standing threateningly with his cyborg arm stretched out.

"Yeah Epy! Well you can kiss my a- *WHOMP!*" Kinora starts to get out, before being hit by a very large and very flying frying pan.

"Godammit Caos he was mine!" Epyon swears.

"Oh, sorry Epy, here, tak my spare frying pan." Caos says, holding out another one that he pulled out from under his apron.

"No its too late, he's unconcious. There's no fun in beating someone who can't scream. Sigh..." Epyon sighs, and walks out of hte contol deck, following Caos to the kitchen.

"Ooookaaaay. I do beleive I'm stuck on a ship with a bunch of crazy psychopathic maniacs! Well you guys have fun, I'll be in my room calling the Pittsburg security force or doing something useful in an actual attempt to prevent a planet-wide extermination from nomads." Knight says, and walks out of the control deck.

"Oh yeah?! Yeah?! Well you're a ... uh ... um ...crazy ship walking suit of armor!" DiaB shouts out.

"LAME!" Comes the response.

"Grrrrr...." DiaB grumbles.

At this point, Baz wakes up, sees the ships, points, and faints again.

"Will somebody PLEASE do something with this guy?! I mean, look at him! He can't even see a nomad escape pod without fainting!" DiaB says, having his back to the control deck's window which has one of the nomads crawling over it.

What will happen next? Will DiaB turn around in time to see the nomad on the windshield? Will TBK reach Pittsburg in time? Will Baz ever get over his fear of nomads! Stay tuned!


There's only one kind of Death, and it comes in a Box.


(~OSG~)*Phoenix Post subject: Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 10:36 am

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:43 pm

Posts: 3553

Location: Cali Base, Tau 23 Just when they least expect it, our hero's are confronted with the one thing that every random humour comic strip needs...

The anti-hero!!

BUT ALAS! This anti-hero is in disguise, and before anyone knows what is going on, a tall man in a dusty tuxedo sporting an oddly crooked mustache and a french accent enters the cockpit with a tie-died serviette over one arm and a tray full of baked choclatey goodness resting on the other.

tall man in a dusty tuxedo sporting an oddly crooked mustache and a french accent: "Ah here are ze gentlemen. Missures, i amz your humbile waitor fresh from ze kitchen. I vas informed by ze Black Knight, ze moderator and za sato-masochist zat zere vas an e(ch)meeerrgency in ze cockpit zat needed IMMEDIATE attenzion!"

Diab looks oddly at the tall man in a dusty tuxedo sporting an oddly crooked mustache and a french accent.

Diab then looks to an unconcious Baz and raises an eyebrow.

Diab looks back at the tall man in a dusty tuxedo sporting an oddly crooked mustache.

Diab then looks to an unconcious Baz and taises his other eyebrow.

Diab: "Dang flying-pans!! And who, pre-tell, Sir, might you be?"

tall man in a dusty tuxedo sporting an oddly crooked mustache and a french accent: "Vy I am ze ships chef ov course!"

Diab: "Could explain the flying-pans..... well what, Missure Chef, are you doing in the cockpit with such cocholatey goodness?"

Chef: "Vy i am here to avaken ze unconcious vons on ze flour obviously"

Diab, raising two eyebrows: "Very well then..."

Without hesitation the chef moves along the cockpit with grace and precision and places a chunky cube of chocolatey goodness on the ground in front of each of the unconscious vons. Miraculously the begin to rouse.

Chef: "Vould missure like a taste?"

Diab, watching Baz and Kinora begin to rouse: "No, no thank you i think i'm ok..."

Chef: "But missure, it iz just vone tiny itty-bitty morsel of chocolatey goodness, surely missure cannot vefuse?"

Diab, taking a good wiff of the chocolatey goodnes thrust infront of his nose: "Oh well, i guess one wouldn't hurt."

As Diab bites into the tiny itty-bitty morsel of chocolatey goodness high pitched giggling can be heard coming from the kitchen.

Diab: "What the hell is that?"

Chef: "Zat? ahhh zat is nossing, i simply...simpy told za joke on my bay out of ze kitchen"

Diab: "You told a joke..."

Chef: "...Of course!"

Diab: "To a Black Knight, a moderator and a sato-masochist..."

Chef: "...Of course!"

Diab: "......fair enough!"

Having finished his first slice of chocalatey goodness Diab failed to notice Baz and Kinora eating their separate pieces of chocolatey goodness with only their mouths.

Chef: "Vould missure like another slice?"

Diab: "Absolutely!"

Chef: "Vell perhaps i shall just leave ze tray here for you!"

Diab: "Absolutely!"

The Chef leaves the cockpit and as he hears the beginnings of high pitched giggling behind him hemutters under his breath: "Well it looks like my job here is done!".

What is in store for our hero's? Have they succumbed to the Anti-Villans evil plot to send them into a Cardamine induced trip? Stay tuned to find out the exciting conclusion![/i]


Death in a Box Post subject: Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:26 pm

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Posts: 2159

Location: On my soap box spreading word and deeds of Freedoms to the repressed citizens of Sirius. **EDIT**

Yay I feel like writing more!

Phoenix...that's totally not realistic, and is extremely hard to go off of again.

Like...how I'm supposed to explain how he got on or off the ship. xD

So, I'm'a keep going off of my old post, and I'll try to work you into the story as an anti-villain later in a more realistic manner, hehe.


When we last left our heroes they were careening through space in an effort to follow the nomads. DiaB was facing away from a nomad ON the windshield, TBK was attempting to reach Pittsburg, Bazza had fainted again, and the rest of the crew was doing God knows what.

DiaB gives the fainted Bazza a little poke with his boot, and seeing no response, grins and gives him a harder poke.

"Dude, DiaB, don't take advantage of the physologically weak." Kinora says, head popping up from a missing board in the bridge floor.

"HOLY HECK DIAB LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" Kinora screams, pointing behind DiaB, face turning white.

The nomad on the windshield, apparently alerted from the strange human pointing and staring at it, activates some sort of tool and aims it at the windshield, white light immediately flaring from it.

"Yeah, right, like I'm going to fall for that Kinora. What do you take me for, a foo-*SHOOOOM!*" DiaB almost finishes, but is suddenly halted by the sudden depressurization from the hole in the windshield.

As pieces of paper and navigational maps fly out the window and everyone holds on for dear life, DiaB attempts to scream to Kinora to get out of the bridge and into the hall so that the door could be closed to keep the entire life from depressurizing.

"Kinora! Get o-- of t-- br----! Ge- out and ---- the do--!" DiaB screams and waves with one hand, holding on with the other.

"What?! I can't hear you!" Kinora says, cupping his ear.

"Get o-- of the br-----" DiaB yells, waving his arm.

"What?!" Kinora yells.

"The br-----! Get o--!" DiaB screams as loud as he can, waving his arm like a maniac.

".........WHAT?!" Kinora says after a minute.

"Oh screw it." DiaB mutters, hauling hand over hand up the wall and out into the hallway. Reaching around, he grabs Kinora by the back of the shirt and halls him into the hallway, slamming his fist into the door close button.

"Phew! That was a close o-*WHOMP!*" DiaB starts to get out.

"OOOOOOOOW! OWOWOWOW! What in the FRICK was that for! I just saved us from certain DOOM and you nail me with a frying pan!" DiaB yells, holding his head in both hands.

"Yeah and if you had been doing your JOB you would have seen the nomad that breached the windshield!" Caos says, shaking his finger at DiaB.

"Should I open the door back up? Huh? Huh? Maybe I should put you out there so you can fix it for us? Or right, I remember now. ITS DEPRESSURIZED!" DiaB seethes.

TBK, apparently successfully reaching Pittsburg and conveying his message about incoming danger, walks into the hallway.

"Alright guys, message sent! The nomads should be destroyed or halted before they reach Pittsburg and wreak havok." TBK explains to everyone.

"Hey TBK, you aren't affected by pressurization in your suit are you?" DiaB innocently asks.

"No, I'm not, why do you ask?" TBK says, arching an eyebrow suspiciously.

Five minutes later The Black Knight finds himself attempting to fix a broken windshield.

"Figures I'm the one who has to do the dirty work...stinking bunch of lazy sluggards..." TBK mutters, slowly spraying the hole inward with a white looking foam that hardens almost instantly.

"Figures I have to do everything around here...figures I'm the one who has to keep this bunch of slackers in line..." He continues muttering, giving the now closed hole a finishing touch.

He sits up suddenly, and stares intently at the white circle.

"Caos, I know you're behind me, just waiting for me to say something insulting so you can whack me." TBK says.

Caos stomps his foot and spins around.

"Goddammit! You're the only person I can't sneak up on! What the heck am I doing wrong?!" Caos yells.

"I'm The Black Knight, its my job on the crew to know these sorts of things Caos. You keep us alive by cooking, I keep us alive by doing everything else since the rest of 'em are just imcompetent little ..." TBK trails off...

"Oh hello DiaB! Hole's all patched up! Try to keep an eye out for saboteurs this time. I'll be in my room keeping in contact with Pittsburg." TBK says and walks out of the bridge towards his room.

DiaB walks over and inspects the hole.

"Should I say something about it or will I get smacked?" DiaB asks.

"NO!" Kinora, Caos, Epyon, Saracen, and the now distant TBK all yell.

DiaB takes a step back.

"Ok then! Wonderful job TBK! Glad you're with us! Ok, shall we get back on track to Pittsburg all? Everything still in running order Kinora?" DiaB says, quickly falling back into the routine of captain.

"Navigational systems are all active and running." Epyon says after taking a seat in his chair.

"Most of our navigating charts are gone, as well as a lot of my most recent notes, and some of Kinora's, but I think we won't really miss them anyways..." Saracen says, leafing through the rest of the debris on the deck.

"Everything is in running order! Well, there's one thing that doesn't seem to be running, but I'll have to follow the path to see where it leads, as I can't tell from here..." Kinora says and ducks into his familiar hole and starts to crawl away.

"Well ok then! Sounds like we didn't really lose much!" DiaB says, feeling elated.

"A new windshield will cost us around half a million credits, things aren't cheap!" TBK yells from down the hall from his room.

"Half a freaking million credits! Where are we going to get those kinds of funds?!" DiaB yells.

"Well, we could always check into Manhatten again, its not like they really minded the last time we were in and took what we wanted." Caos says, grinning widely with an evil look in his eyes.

"Yeah but that's not really the right thing to do. I mean, stealing from the poor, poor wasted masses of the rich planet of Manhatten?" DiaB says.

"Yeah, exactly." Caos says through lidded eyes.

"Right. To Manhatten! A short detour to Manhatten for funds, then to wherever for a new wind shield!" DiaB says, again elated.

"What about the nomads headed towards Pittsburg? Don't you think we should be heading there to make sure Pittsburg doesn't suddenly become a new nomad planet?" Saracen says, looking up from his collection of debris.

"Oh, right, there is that isn't there..." DiaB says, slowly trailing off.

Where will our heroes end up next? Will they ride to the rescue of Pittsburg, or will they ride to Manhatten for purely selfish needs and steal money? Is the decision really all that hard or surprising for our band of heroes? Find out in the next episode of ... SPACE CADETS!


TBK/Kinora -

Left plenty of room to take this wherever you guys want. Choose wherever you want us to go and do whatever you want, as I'm sure plenty of laughs will result from either decision. I'm pretty sure I can guess where we'll go, as I mean...it is US, but if you have ideas let 'em loose!

But if you don't post too soon I'm going to choose in my next post! So hurry up and write the next chapter.


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Last Updated (Thursday, 29 July 2010 16:28)

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